624 Days and Counting
by OwnedbyMutt
Summary: Ever since he left, I haven't gone out, I've neglected my Pokémon, and my self esteem has spiraled down into the earth, never to return. N has completely destroyed me.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

><p>N stared at me in utter shock. His mouth was gaping and his eyes were incredulously wide. His mouth moved as if he was murmuring something, but it was so quiet that I think he was couldn't even hear it. I bit back the uneasiness and recalled my Zebstrika, whispering a thank you to him as he went back into the ball to rest.<p>

Ghetsis started to yell angrily, screaming profanities at me. I just stood there and stared at him, my chin held up defiantly. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sum up an ounce of happiness or victory. Not like this. Not with N standing a ways behind his father, his face perfectly expressionless. But that's not what killed me inside, it was his eyes. They were dead.

"He's nothing more than a freak without a human heart! Do you think you're going to get through to a warped person like that?" Ghetsis roared while he struggled with Alder and Cheren.

N bowed his head. Alder and Cheren had managed to get Ghetsis out of control and were pushing him out of the room. As he passed, Alder caught my eye and gave me a look. "Go easy on him."

I smiled warmly at him, "You don't have to tell me that, Alder." I murmured. I touched my hand to his shoulder. "Thank you so much. For everything." I blinked back tears.

The Champion smiled at me for a brief second and carried on out of the room. The former sage of Team Plasma was forced out of the room, but I could still hear his screaming from the other side of the door.

"He's not even human! He knows nothing but stupid Pokémon!" My eyes flickered to N to gauge his reaction. His mouth twitched, but nothing more.

I didn't know what to do, so I continued to stand there. I stroked Zebstrika's poke ball, which was still resting in my hand. I crossed my feet and looked at the ground; although I let my eyes wander over to N occasionally.

Then I heard his light footsteps coming towards me. I shoved the poke ball in my bag and I began to fidget. He stopped once he was about a foot in front of me and offered me his hand. I looked up at him with wide eyes. His eyes glinted and a small, sad mile touched his lips. He wants me to take his hand?

I placed my hand in his palm and he sighed. His fingers encircled around my hand and he led me towards the remains of the wall that Zekrom destroyed. He stopped for a few moments and turned toward me. He opened his mouth, but immediately closed it. Blushing a faint red, he turned away from me and jerked my hand more urgently. I felt like he was trying to release my hand nonchalantly, but I held on stubbornly. After a few moments of dragging me towards the wall, we stopped a few feet from the gaping hole. A cool wind blew in and I shivered.

He looked out wistfully, and the look on his face frightened me. He untangled my hand in his and took a step towards the edge. _No, N!_ My heart stopped, and I frantically grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back. He flew back and crashed into me, causing us both to fall to the ground. My back hit the floor and I let out a squeak. N landed on top of me and I groaned. My eyes shot open and his face was inches from mine, leaning in. I flashed with embarrassment and I shoved myself up. "I'm so sorry!" I said in a panic. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "I thought you were going to…" I trailed off, too embarrassed to say anymore.

N rubbed his neck nervously. He froze and looked at me, his eyes shocked. "You thought I was going to kill myself?" He whispered.

I looked up at him and bit my lip. I took in a breath to say something but no words came out. I looked down again, hoping desperately my tears wouldn't spill. I nodded.

He was silent for a few moments. My cap fell over my eyes, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. An old habit came into play. _If I can't see him he can't see me._

Then I felt him pulling me towards his chest. He hugged me tightly as I stood frozen, my stomach doing little flips.

His lip tickled my ear, "Listen." He murmured. "I have to leave. I need to find myself, to find what I've been missing my whole life." He said, taking me completely off guard. Before I could even say anything, he held me tighter and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Touko. But I have to do this."

I burst into tears. "N…" I cried, digging my face into his neck. I continued to repeat his name, my voice breaking. He continued to hug me as I cried, his eyes mournful. "Please, N, I'll miss you too much."

"I know, I know." He cooed, a tear dripping from his eye. "I'll miss you, too. I need to do this, it's the only way I can be happy. I know this will be hard for you," he took in a breath and pressed his lips to my forehead. "But you have to let me go."

I broke down into full hysterics now. My knees buckled and I sunk to the ground. N kept his arms around me and I cried loudly into his chest. I felt ridiculous, but I didn't even care. _N's leaving. _I thought frantically to myself. _What if I never see him again?_

He unwound his arms and stood up. He pulled out a poke ball and threw it outside. Zekrom emerged and floated before us, waiting patiently. I stayed on my knees and held my face in my hands.

"I understand." I whispered, my eyes intent on the ground.

N crouched down on his knee and put his finger under my chin. He lifted my face to his and he smiled. "I knew you would. You're the strongest person I know."

I stared at him and laughed breathlessly, "Me?" I said incredulously. "No, I'm not strong at all. You are the strong one, N. After all you've been through; you are still pushing forward to find yourself." My eyebrows knitted together. "That's why I-"I stopped myself, my eyes flickering away from his quickly.

His eyes widened for a moment. He touched his index finger to his lip and smiled. "Touko, you're the only true friend I've ever had. Don't worry, I'll be back." He grabbed my hands and pulled me up. He hugged me for a brief moment and let go to walk up to Zekrom. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand.

"I'll be waiting for you forever, N." I said, my eyes pleading. "You're the greatest friend ever. I'll always be here."

N gave me a thankful glance and continued to walk towards Zekrom. I saw a tear roll down his cheek at our hands parted. He climbed onto the black dragon and said something to it. Zekrom growled and his tail started to glow.

"I'm so proud of you, N." I said, louder this time so he could hear me.

He smiled at me, a full blown smile. I've never seen him smile that way before. He was truly happy. _Then why am I so miserable? _I thought to myself.

"I'll come back for you, Touko. I promise." Then Zekrom roared and sped off, its tail shooting off sparks of electricity in its wake.

* * *

><p>My eyes opened slowly. The sun was shining in through the window and I turned over, irritated. I felt the usual uncomfortable pillow and lifted my face. My pillow was all wet again. I always told my mother that it was because I was an excessive drooler, but in reality it was because I cried every night. Whether it was crying myself to sleep, or crying in my dreams, it happened without fail.<p>

I pelted the pillow against my wall and pushed myself out of bed. I walked over to my desk and grabbed a pen. Placing the cap in my mouth, I turned to look at my calendar and placed a giant black X on yesterday's date.

"Another day alone." I mused quietly to myself. I put the pen back on the desk and looked around my room. It's been three years since I started my Pokémon journey, five hundred and ninety days since I ended it, and six hundred and twenty three days since N has been gone.

Start day Six hundred and twenty four.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trainer Card**

**Name : Touko**

**Sex: Female**

**Age: 19**

**Nature: … indisputably lonely**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

**Day 624**

* * *

><p>"So, you're actually out training today?" Bianca asked with a horribly fake shocked expression. I noticed Cheren kick her from under the table.<p>

I pursued my lips and looked down at my fries. I remained silent, feeling a slight bit awkward and ashamed. It's no secret I haven't trained as often since _he_ left, certainly not as much as I should be. Cheren and Bianca's Pokémon look amazingly fit, while my team isn't in top condition, although I can be the only one of my friends to say that I defeated Alder, the Champion (which Cheren held in high regard. Bianca… not so much.)

"Leave her alone. You know she hasn't been feeling well." Cheren said, taking off his glasses and cleaning them with his shirt. He deliberately avoided meeting my eyes, which made me feel even worse. I sighed and slumped against the booth.

"For two years?" Bianca hissed at him. I flinched. I knew for certain Bianca hadn't meant for that to hurt, it's just that she could be so dense sometimes.

"Actually," I drawled, outlining little circles on the table, "It's been six hundred and twenty four days."

Cheren's jaw dropped, and so did his glasses.

"You're delusional!" Bianca gasped. "That can't be healthy, Touko."

Okay, that didn't work out as well as I'd hope. I immediately felt ridiculous and put up my defenses. My eyes shot up and I glared at them.

"Guys, I was _joking._" I said quickly. Bianca let out a sigh of relief, but Cheren continued to stare at me. Of course he would see past that trick. He was too smart for that.

I looked down, "Anyways, weren't we supposed to train today?" I mumbled, reaching into my pocket for my wallet. I gave my money to Cheren and he got up to pay the bill. I kept my eyes on my hands while rubbing them together. Bianca stood up from the table and held her hand out to me. Pain flashed through me as I remembered the last person who did that to me. I shook my head and scooted out of the booth myself.

"No thanks." I said briskly. "I'm perfectly capable, Bianca." I chuckled, smiling at her. I reached towards the table and grabbed my fries.

"You eat a lot." Bianca commented, wrinkling her nose.

"You complain too much." I muttered, leading the way out of the restaurant.

* * *

><p>I stood in line at the grocery store, a candy bar grasped tightly in my hand. My foot tapped the floor impatiently. Bianca and Cheren were waiting outside for me so we could say goodbye. I looked over at the magazine rack and noticed the Hoenn Champion, Wallace, on the cover of one of them. He was posed with his powerful Milotic releasing an Ice Beam in the background. There was a certain aspect about him that stopped my heart the minute I saw it.<p>

He had green hair.

I tilted my head to the side and my eyes softened. I studied Wallace carefully, analyzing every detail. True, Wallace's hair was bluer than N's soft green, but you don't see people with green hair every day. Wallace's face was sharper, more defined- that of a grown man, while N's face was more smooth and young, not quite a full grown man. I crossed my arms against my chest and growled, irritated. At least, that's how I remembered him from two years ago.

How different will N look when he comes back? I've certainly grown a lot over the two years he's been gone. But then again, I was seventeen when he left. I never got his age, but I had always assumed he was around nineteen at the time.

I smiled. _That'd be illega_l. I threw my head back and laughed. It felt good to laugh again. Sure, I laughed all the time, but this was a real, joyous laugh. I don't know why I found it so funny, but I did.

"Miss?" The cashier called. His eyes were cautious as he beckoned me over, "It's your turn."

I stopped laughing and looked at him quickly before looking down again. "Sorry." I mumbled, feeling self conscious as I drew my cap over my eyes and went to pay for the candy.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he scanned. He kept a close eye on me, and it made me uncomfortable. I must look like a criminal or a crazy person, looking into the distance and laughing.

I gave him a small nod, "Yeah, I'm okay." I whispered. I thanked him, grabbed my snack, and began to walk away. I was almost at the door when someone put a hand on my shoulder. I took in a quick breath and froze. The cashier stepped in front of me, his eyes friendly.

"Listen, I just got off. Are you alone? I could walk you home, or something." He suggested. I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, confused. Then it made sense. Of course he'd want to escort me home. He was friendly; he didn't want to see something happen to the girl that was walking home alone. Crazy girls gained more unwanted sympathy.

I flickered my eyes away from his face, "My friends are outside." I said quietly. "Thanks for your concern, but I have my Pokémon with me, too."

His face fell, like he'd been slapped. I immediately felt bad. He liked to help people that much? I looked up at him, my eyes wide. "I'm sorry, if I was alone I'd let you walk me home." I looked down again. "I mean, I can tell you like to help people, but I'm okay." I mumbled.

"Wait, what?" He spluttered. "That was just my way of asking you-"

"Touko!" I heard the high pitched squeal of Bianca. She ran over and hugged me. She released me quickly, leaving me winded. She grabbed my shoulder and turned towards the cashier.

"Hi, I'm Bianca and this is my best friend, Touko." She said. "She's really nice, strong, and as I'm sure you noticed, extremely pretty."

I flushed hot with embarrassment. Anger quickly followed. How could she do that to me? I felt like I was being auctioned off to the highest bidder, being made out to be someone I was not. I'm not nice, being distant half of the time. I'm far from strong, and I'm sure as hell not pretty.

I shoved Bianca out of my way and hurried out of the store. I pushed past Cheren who was waiting in the parking lot and angrily yanked out Reshiram's poke ball.

"Touko, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly, noticing my hurt expression.

"Ask Bianca. She's intent on shoving me into the arms of any guy that's not _him!_" I hissed. "Not to mention she embarrassed the hell out of me!"

I clicked the button on the poke ball and it grew in my palm. I was ready to release Reshiram when Cheren gasped.

"Touko, you can't release him here!" He yelled at me.

I stopped and sighed. He was right. A tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away angrily. I heard Cheren walk up behind me.

"I'm sorry. You know how Bianca is." He sighed. "She's just worried about you." Hesitating, he added, "Actually, we both are. Touko, you haven't been yourself since he left. It's been two years, don't you think it's time to just let go?" He placed his hand on my shoulder.

_Lips pressed to my forehead, __"But you have to let me go."_

It was too much for me to bear. I shrugged off his hand fiercely and whipped around. "I can't believe you are saying this! I can understand Bianca, but you, Cheren?" I screamed at him. People stopped to watch, while some just slowed down and listened. Cheren looked around nervously.

"You're making a scene." He said urgently.

That hurt most of all. "You care about what these strangers are thinking but not even how I'm feeling? Do you even know how much I've suffered?"

Cheren looked at me sadly, "I do, Touko, I really do. That's why I'm trying to help you. It's been two years…" He became quiet.

I glared at him. "To hell it has. It's been six hundred and twenty four days, you know that." I seethed.

His eyes widened in alarm. "That's what I'm worried about. That behavior isn't normal."

"You're dam right I'm not normal." I growled. "I'll show you right how much of a freak I am." I threw Reshiram's poke ball in the air impulsively and my giant dragon came out roaring. He sensed my distress and lowered his head to mine, his eyes sparkling in concern. I wrapped my arms around him.

"It's okay." I murmured to him. "I just want to go home."

Reshiram made a rumbling noise and bumped me lightly with his nose. He then leaned down so I could climb on. All around me people started gasping, snapping pictures of my monster. I could see Bianca and the cashier watching from the doors of the store. I rubbed my face into Reshiram's white fur and held on tight when I felt the heat of his tail starting to form around me.

A familiar pang of anguish shot through my heart as we took off. It always reminded me of that day N took off on Zekrom. That day he left me to miss him and rot away.

* * *

><p>My brain was spinning when I dropped onto my bed. I was exhausted beyond belief. On top of that, I was irritated and felt betrayed. All this time I've been suffering, longing for him, only to have my own friends want me to get over it?<p>

I shook my head and turned onto my side. I put my finger to my lips and let my mind wander to where Bianca interrupted me talking to the cashier. He was going to say something, but Bianca butted in and made me seem like some kind of perfect women.

It crossed my mind for a split second that he was trying to ask me out. I shot it down quickly, though. No guy would ever find me nice, or strong, or pretty. The only man who has ever thought those things about me left and never returned.

I started to cry quietly as realization hit me. The reason Bianca and Cheren wanted me to forget about him and move on wasn't because they were tired of my problems. It was the complete opposite. They wanted me to move on because of the one reason I knew deep down inside, but I've been too afraid to admit it.

Ever since he left, I haven't gone out, I've neglected my Pokémon, and my self esteem has spiraled down into the earth, never to return.

N has completely destroyed me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.  
>Day 634<strong>

I threw the last of the darks into the washer and pushed the button. Feeling spontaneous, I pulled myself onto the machine and sat there, something I always used to do when I was little. As I sat there, I started to think about some stuff I've been avoiding lately.

What if my friends were right in wanting me to get over him? I'd certainly hate any person that would put my friends through this kind of torture. That being said, why can't I hate him?  
>Then there's the other thing, the thing that makes me feel sick and nervous. If N does comes back, what then? During my journey we weren't really anything more than acquaintances. I blame our emotional goodbye on some kind of pity or hormones, panic at the fact he was leaving. I'd never admit it, but I have longed to be more than a friend to him for a while. Would he even feel the same way about me? If he didn't, was all this depression and anxiety for nothing?<p>

Of course he does. Didn't he kiss me when I was crying because of him? I smiled, my hopes rising. I leaned against the wall, the warmth from the machine comforting me. My finger went to my lips, something I picked up from N. He'd always do that when he was thinking, or when he smiled, as if his smile was hideous so he covered it. I scoffed. Nothing about him was hideous. Me, on the other hand… That's probably why he hasn't come back. He probably found another girl, one with green hair.

I shook my head. It might just be derived from my desperation, but I don't think any other girl would understand N like I do. What other person has witnessed his emotional trauma first hand? He has a lot of baggage- but I'm willing to look past that. I'll look past anything.

My thoughts were disrupted when the roaring noise I had become accustomed to stopped abruptly. Surprised, I hopped off the washer.

"It's done already?" I lifted the top and looked inside. "How long have I been sitting here?"

"You've been sitting on the washer murmuring to yourself for about an hour." My mother's voice made me jump. She strolled into the washroom and out the backdoor into the backyard.

"I'm letting out your Pokémon, Touko." She called. I heard the cries of my Pokémon before I could answer. I was a little upset. People shouldn't touch Pokémon that don't belong to them; I developed that irritation over my journey due to Team Plasma's many schemes.

"Okay." I muttered loud enough for her to hear me. I leaned against the washer and sunk down, my hands on my knees. A flash of green in the corner of my eye alerted me to Serperior's entrance, and I smiled at him as he slithered towards me.

"Come here, buddy." I extended my arms and he gladly went into them. I hugged him tightly, noticing his large eyes studying me worriedly. I stared back at him, trying my best to look happy for him. He hissed and wrapped himself around me. I laughed and placed my hand on his face lightly, smiling. Being my first partner, I've always had a connection to him unlike any other.

Serperior rubbed his face into my hand and made a purring noise. He closed his eyes and pressed his face against mine.

_Where's dad?_

My eyes shot open and I instinctively pushed him away. I stopped breathing and my heart beat quickly. I shook my head, my mouth agape. Pokémon can't talk to people. The only person that I knew could talk to them was N. There's no way Serperior could have spoken anything to me, even if he had, I wouldn't have been able to understand it.

I wracked my brain for any possible answer. Serperior gazed at me, expressionless. My eyes caught his and after a stare down lasting about ten seconds, he hissed and slithered away.

I continued to sit there like an idiot. Shaking, I took my phone out of my pocket and decided to call the only person I knew who would understand.

* * *

><p>It was around seven in the afternoon when I knocked at Touya's door. I hugged my chest tightly, protecting myself from the cold. I breathed a sigh of relief when his mother opened the door, feeling the warmth of the house pour into me.<p>

"Touko, it's been forever!" His mother greeted me happily. She took my hand and pulled me inside, something she always does. Sometimes she sees me as more of a daughter than she sees Touya as a son.

I hugged her. "Hi, Mrs. Black. It has been a while. Touya's home, right?" I asked, letting go of her.

"Yeah, he's upstairs honey." I started to head up the stairs when she called my name. I looked down at her.

"Don't worry about being quiet or anything." She giggled, putting her hand in front of her mouth. "I like you better than any of the other girls Touya's brought home."

I gasped and stared at her in shock. "Mrs. Black!" I spluttered, embarrassed.

"Mom!" I heard Touya yell. He appeared at the top of the stairs and in an instant his hand was circled around my arm and he dragged me up the stairs. "Stop embarrassing me!"

I looked from Touya to his mother, and she gave me a wink. I blushed bright red and avoided looking at her again. He led me into his room and slammed the door behind him. I jumped on his bed and laid on my back, shoving a pillow on top of my face to hide my blush. He sat beside me.

"Your mom hasn't changed." I mumbled. I reached to the top of my head and pulled off my hat. I used my hand to shake my hair around, getting more comfortable.

He laughed, hitting me on the knee. "So what did you come here for? You seemed freaked over the phone."

I scooted myself up and leaned against the wall, curling my knees up to my chest. I started to explain how I was feeling a little down and how I thought Serperior had actually said something. To make myself seem less like an idiot, I added on to the end that I didn't believe it was actually him. Maybe if was just some subconscious thought that came out of my head?

Touya looked like he was thinking hard. He wasn't saying anything, so I took the chance to look around his room. I haven't been in Touya's room in ages, since before I set off on my journey. It had changed a lot. Posters of rock bands replaced the old Pokémon ones, and a computer was set up where his old Game cube used to be. I smiled as I remembered the days when I would come to his house everyday to play video games with him. His mom would always make us sandwiches while we pretended to be Pokémon trainers, Touya always being the good guy and I always being the bad one. I tightened my arms around my knees. My heart ached for the simplicity of the old days.

"I don't think you're crazy." Touya said finally, breaking me from my thoughts. Relief flooded through me.

"You don't?" My eyes met his and I knew for certain he saw the look of relief in my eyes. He smiled and put his hand on my knee, a familiar gesture.

"Of course I don't. Didn't you say N could talk to Pokémon?" He pressed. "You were close to him. Maybe it's possible you picked something up from him."

I shook my head. "N was raised with nothing but Pokémon. It'd be impossible for me to start speaking with them. I think me hearing a stray sentence was just a fluke or something."

He nodded. "That's what I think. It was just a random occurrence. It probably won't happen again." He stood up and walked over to his computer chair. "But that still doesn't explain why Serperior said what he said."

"_Where's dad?_" I replayed in monotone. I bit back a curse. I was hoping he'd forget about that part and move on.

"You sure he wasn't talking about N?" Touya blurted out while he was logging in to the computer. My eyed widened and I turned a shade redder. How he could be so nonchalant about this I'll never know.

"I… I don't know." I sighed. "To tell you the truth, that's what I thought, too." I rubbed the side of my face. "But why call him 'Dad'?"

Touya spun around in the chair a few times before stopping to look at the ceiling. His head hung over the back of the chair. "Pokémon pick up on emotional ties way better than we do. Serperior probably sensed how close you two were. To him, you're his mom. He just put two and two together."

I dug my face into the pillow, feeling embarrassed. Touya and I were like siblings. It was weird talking about this stuff with a brother, but as always, he was oblivious as to how uncomfortable he was making me.

"N and I aren't close." I countered weakly.

He rolled his head up to look at me. "You really think I'm going to believe that? Cheren already told me everything."

My mood quickly changed. I glared at the ceiling and groaned.

"Cheren should keep his mouth shut." I snapped angrily.

Touya pushed himself in the rolling chair to the other side of his room and grabbed the open bag of chips that were on his dresser. He took a chip and rolled back to me, handing me the bag.

"You sure as hell didn't tell me anything." He looked at me, his eyes big and full of fake sorrow. "I thought we were friends." He sniffed dramatically.

I shoved a chip in my mouth. "I'm sorry. It's just weird."

"It's okay. Besides, I don't blame you." He clasped his hands together and raised them to his chin. "He's so dreamy!" He sighed deeply and made a high pitched "oh" sound.

I threw a chip at him. "He's mine!" I laughed. I stretched out on his bed and laid down, resting my head on a pillow.

He picked up the chip and stuck it in his mouth.

"I put my tongue all over that thing." I muttered.

"That makes it even better."

"You're disgusting." I laughed. I rolled onto my back and looked at the ceiling. "I miss the old days."

He sighed. "Totally, none of this girl drama. It was just us boys playing video games."

"I'm not a boy!" I shot back at him.

"You are the biggest tomboy I know. That's why my mom doesn't even care about us being in here together. Any other girl, she'd flip out." He snatched the bag of chips from me.

His words struck me hard. Any other girl? Did he mean any _pretty girl_? They don't even consider me a girl! I'm just the tomboy down the street, the one that no one worries about being in a room alone with a boy because I'm not attractive. I'm not one of those girls that get dolled up and pretty, like Bianca does. That's probably why N hasn't come back. He found a pretty woman who actually acts like a lady.

I smiled, hiding the hurt look on my face. I quickly changed the subject. "Hey, weren't we talking about Cheren?"

His face lit up like he just remembered something. "Oh yeah! He said you were really mad at him." His eyes gleamed.

I nodded gravely. "He wants me to get over N. But I think he just wants what's best for me." I shrugged.

Touya started laughing. I shot my head up to glare at him. "What are you laughing at?" I asked sharply.

"You really think he wants you to get over him for that reason?" He asked disbelievingly. "Really, Touko, think! Sure, that could be a little part of the reason." He hinted. "But I can assure you he's doing this completely out of selfishness."

I stared at him with a confused look on his face. What other reason would Cheren want me to get over N? Was it what I thought in the first place, that he was tired of my problems? No. Touya wouldn't laugh over that. If not that, then… A chill crept up my spine.

"He does _not._" I said firmly.

He looked at me intently, nodding. "He does. Trust me."

"No, no, no." I groaned, shoving my face into my hands. "How can he even like me?"

Touya put his hand on my shoulder. "There there." He comforted. "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is!" I argued, throwing my hands up. He rolled back in his chair to avoid them. "I'm not even pretty or anything. It doesn't make any sense."

Touya's face grew serious, angry. "Who said you're not pretty?" He snapped quickly. The look on his face looked like he wanted to murder someone.

I was shocked at his sudden anger. "I… no one. No one said anything." I looked down. "I just don't think I'm pretty. That's all." I mumbled.

He jumped up and sat next to me on the bed. He put his arm around my shoulder and put his finger under my chin, turning my face towards his.

"Listen to me. You're not ugly, you've never been ugly." He told me sternly. I was nervous at his forcefulness, so I turned my head away.

"What's gotten into you?" He demanded. "You've never been like this before."

I bit my lip and looked down. I felt completely stupid and embarrassed, admitting my insecurities so carelessly like that. My defensive walls were crumbling down, I could feel it. I could feel my composure deteriorating rapidly.

"I just miss him so much." I whispered. The tears came quickly after. I sobbed, my whole body racking viciously.

Touya pulled me into a hug and tucked my head under his chin. "Touko, no one's worth this amount of suffering." He murmured, his hands patting my back.

"I know, I know." I managed to choke out. "And I'm really stupid for it. I just can't get over it." My voice heightened a pitch as I let out another sob.

"You're not stupid." He assured me. "You're just going through a bad time right now. I understand that." He hugged me tighter. "I'm not going to judge you."

I just let go at that moment. Any remains that were left of my defenses were torn down. I felt comfortable crying my eyes out while he hugged me, free from any judgmental thoughts. This is what I've been longing for this whole time, apart from N; I needed someone to just let me _cry._To understand.

"You're such a good friend." I murmured to him after I had finally manged to stop crying, about fifteen minutes later.

He ruffled my hair with his hand, "I'm a good big _brother_." He corrected.

I smiled, choking back a hiccup. "Yeah, you are. The best anyone can ask for."

He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away. He eyed me, his eyes gentle.

"Do you know what's in my hands right now?"

"Me?" I answered weakly.

He pursued his lips, "A smart, funny, strong, _beautiful_woman." He told me. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I threw my arms around him and cried happily. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"I'll always be here to tell you those things." He picked up my hat and placed it on my head. "Now be the strong woman that you are and believe it."

* * *

><p>I arrived home around ten thirty feeling wonderful. As I walked in the door my mom offered me some dinner, which I quickly accepted.<br>I was eating quietly at the table. My mom was in the living room watching TV when she called out to me.

"They didn't feed you over there?" She asked, surprised.

"Oh no, they did." I said, grinning to myself. Mrs. Black wouldn't accept no for an answer, not that I declined anyway. "You know me, mom. I eat a lot." I joked.

She nodded, "It's a wonder you don't get fat."

I shrugged, "I run around." I excused myself and went up to my room. The lights were off. I started to pull off my shirt so I could change into my pajamas. I shut the door behind me and flipped on the switch, throwing my shirt on the bed. I headed towards my dresser to pull out a top when I happened to glance at myself in the mirror.

I screamed and turned around quickly, my chest heaving.

There, in the corner of my room with his arm draped over his eyes modestly, was N.


	4. Chapter 4

_I screamed and turned around quickly, my chest heaving._

_There, in the corner of my room with his arm draped over his eyes modestly, was N._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4.<strong>

**Day 634.**

"Touko?" My mother yelled worriedly from downstairs. Within seconds I could hear her hurried footsteps thumping up the stairs.

My heart was beating rapidly. My eyes flashed from my door to N quite a few times before I ran at him and grabbed the arm that was covering his eyes. I yanked him up and felt the familiar heat of embarrassment as he bumped against my chest.

"Be quiet!" I whispered to him as I shoved him into my closet. I slid closet door closed and made it to my bedroom door just as my mom was opening it.

My door swung open. "Touko, are you okay?" My mother said in a rush, her eyes wide. "I heard you scream!"

I laughed, concealing my nervousness. "I thought I saw rattata!"

Her hand flew to her chest, "You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry." I said, my eyes apologetic. "I didn't mean to scream. I'm fine."

She eyed me. "Okay, well… goodnight." She said hesitantly before shutting the door.

I locked the door and ran over to the closet. I frantically shoved the door off to the side and crashed into N, throwing my arms around him. He grunted in surprise as I fell on top of him. I pressed my forehead against his chest and hugged him tightly, tears running down my face. It almost felt surreal, having him here with me. I desperately clung to him and wondered how I could have ever let him go in the first place.

He felt tense under me. His breath was quick and shallow as his arms slowly wound around me. My eyes narrowed in confusion as I noticed something odd about the gesture. His arms wound around my neck, and his palms were raised as if he was trying not to touch me. He wasn't looking at me.

I immediately felt self-conscious and released him. "I'm sorry." I said quietly, hurt. "I was just really happy to see you." I was starting to stand up when he grabbed my hands and pulled me back down.

"No, no," he said in a panic. "You didn't do anything wrong. Don't go." He pleaded.

More tears of joy streamed down my cheeks and I hugged him again. _His voice sounds the same._ I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

This time, he hugged me back naturally. His fingers dug into my waist as he held me just as fiercely. It was painful, but I didn't say anything. There was something about N that told me he didn't know how to hug all that well.

"I can't believe this is actually happening." I sighed.

"Me neither." He added breathlessly.

I froze. His voice was quiet, shaky, nervous… it was off. I pulled away and stared at him. He yanked his hands back and placed them on his lap, fingers curled. His face was bright red.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried. I immediately came to the conclusion that it was my fault. I was going to apologize when he looked away and started playing with a lock of his hair.

"It's just that…" He murmured. "I was taught that a man and a woman should never be indecent around each other unless they are married."

"Indecent?" I echoed. I opened my mouth to ask when cold realization hit me. I quickly looked at my bed, then to my chest.

"Oh my god!" I gasped. I fell backwards and hit my head against the floor. N leaned forward, his hands reaching for me.

"Are you okay?" He asked timidly.

"Don't look at me!" I hissed at him. I pulled myself to my knees and ran to my bed, grabbing my shirt. I took my pillow and threw it at him.

"Put that in front of your face!" I ordered as I made my way over to my dresser and pulled out the first sleeping shirt I could find. I pulled it over myself frantically. My eyes flickered to N. He was staring at me with his eyes wide; the pillow I threw was on his lap.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "I told you not to look."

He blinked. "Oh." That was all he said.

I sighed and sat on my bed. "That's okay. It's not like I have much worth seeing, anyway." I mumbled pathetically, feeling stupid again.

"No!" He blurted out defensively. I jumped at his outburst and shot my head towards him in surprise.

"What?"

His face turned bashful. "I'm sorry." His lips parted in a small, apologetic smile. It was almost childish.

I could feel my cheeks getting pink. I stood up from the bed and made my way towards him, intent on giving him another hug.

It didn't work out that way, though.

His expression went from innocent to horrified in a split second. His hands shot out and he gripped the wall tightly, the veins on his hands popping out. He clenched his teeth and he banged his forehead against the wall. He let out a low, guttural groan. His whole body was shaking.

I flinched. Almost immediately my heart was in my throat, thumping wildly. I stood frozen for a few moments in confusion. I got down on my knees and approached him.

"N?" I whispered, leaning towards him. "What's wrong?"

I gently put my hand on his knee, trying to comfort him. Immediately following my gesture, I was slapped hard across the face. I whimpered in pain as I was sent tumbling back. I held my face as I lied on the floor, tears threatening. I've never been hit like that before. It hurt, badly.

My other hand covered my mouth as I lied there in shock. My cheek stung horribly as I blinked back tears. I forced my mind to focus on what was happening, but it kept on wandering back to the very thing that hurt me the most. N had slapped me, and it wasn't an accident, either. It was deliberate, I could tell by the sheer strength and force of his hand as it hit me across the face.

"Don't touch me." He snarled violently. I threw my head over my shoulder and peeked at him, but he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were barely focusing on something past me, something that wasn't there. He had a crazed look on his face as he glared down an invisible enemy.

I felt completely helpless. I was torn between two options: one being to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything was alright, which I desperately wished to do so. The other being to run away in fear of him striking me again. I was poised to make a run for it, to bolt at the second he made a false move. I felt idiotic and weak. N had just slapped me, and here was I wanting to give him a hug. I knew running away was the smarter option, but I couldn't do it. The very thought of it tore my heart to shreds. I couldn't run away now, not after six hundred and thirty four days agonizing days of waiting for him.

_To be slapped across the face._ My subconscious whispered to me bitterly.

"Just stop… please." he breathed quietly to no one in particular. It broke me free of my thoughts.

He was still shaking, but the worst of it seemed to be over with. He was leaning to the left against the closet frame with his eyes wide and full of fear. His lips were parted slightly, and he rubbed his hand absentmindedly. He looked just like a scared, traumatized little boy. Almost as if he had just taken a beating.

I braced myself and crawled over to him. I cautiously placed my hand on his knee again, with my other hand covering my face. I was stretching as far as I could, terrified of getting hit again.

He stayed still. I breathed a sigh of relief as I scooted over to him and sat beside him. I was on edge, but I felt a little safer. I placed my back against the closet door and gingerly put my hand over his. He tensed and I clenched my teeth, bracing myself for a strike.

Instead of a cold slap, he sighed peacefully and leaned into me. I sat there, unmoving. I bit my lip and fought back the urge to rub my cheek so I wouldn't disturb him. My eyes flickered to his face. His eyes were half closed, his face peaceful, as if he was sleeping. But he wasn't sleeping.

He was crying.

If I hadn't looked at him I wouldn't have noticed. He was quiet as the tears flowed freely down his face. There was something about his face that was off. It wasn't the usual distorted face that people normally had when they cried, it stayed completely smooth.

I was totally engrossed by his face that it made me jump when he lifted his hand and placed his finger on his lips. I watched in horror as he shut his eyes tightly and bit down hard on his finger.

"N!" I blurted out. I grabbed his hand and yanked it out of his mouth, holding it in front of my face to inspect the damage. Deep tooth indentations made his finger look completely mangled, but thankfully no blood was drawn.

"I'm sorry, father." He murmured, a faint smile on his lips.

I stared at him, confused. _Father?_ Where did that come from? Ghetsis was arrested the dad N left me at his castle after he revealed that he had used and lied to N his whole life. All for his own personal gain. He then _proceeded to tell N that "he didn't have a human heart" and he was a "warped person." _There were many times I would stay up at night and think about how horrible N's childhood must have been with Ghetsis as a father. After seeing N's toy room, it was obvious that Ghetsis had isolated him his entire life. N had no human friends, nor did he have a mother or a true father. He was surrounded by Pokémon who told him nothing but the worst horrors of the human race. He was a lonely, strange, and terrified little boy.

No, I corrected myself. He still is a lonely, strange, and terrified little boy.

It suddenly made sense. It had crossed my mind a couple of times, but I always blatantly avoided the possibility that Ghetsis had beat N as a child. But as I sat there with this traumatized, crying man at my shoulder, there was no doubt in my mind that it did happen.

What happened tonight was only proof of the horrendous act.

An outburst from N, a sharp question from me, followed by my standing up and making my way towards him. I relayed the incident leading up to his fit in my mind.

I broke down and started crying. Of course that would trigger something like that. He was remembering the many horrific events of his childhood.

He had a complete mental breakdown, and by his sudden calmness, it was obvious that this wasn't his first. This happened often.

N shifted beside me, unaware of my epiphany. He placed his head in my lap and buried his face into my leg, sighing contently. I stroked his hair, the only comfort I could offer him.

I told myself before that I would look past anything for N. I wasn't about to let him down now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

**Day 635.**

I woke up with my arm pressed uncomfortably against the rough carpet. I took in a deep breath and looked around my room drowsily, squinting to shield my eyes against the sun that shined in through the curtains.

Aren't curtains supposed to keep the sun out? My groggy state of mind couldn't keep up well, and it didn't help that my limbs were stiff from sleeping on my side on the floor. I heaved myself up and dragged myself over to my bed and crawled in it. A quick glance at my alarm clock told me it was eight forty five.

"Too early." I muttered to myself. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it tightly, drifting back into sleep. The only thing that kept me from falling back asleep was my right cheek, which felt raw and uncomfortable. I rubbed my hand across my cheek.

I shot out of my bed with a gasp. "N!"

I looked around my room wildly, searching for him as if I could have possibly missed him the first time. He wasn't anywhere in my room. I felt a pang of disappointment as I thought of the possibility that he could have left last night. After all, it wasn't a very good welcome back.

I ran to my door and pulled it open.

It was unlocked. I had locked it last night.

N was somewhere in my house. He had to be. If he was to leave, wouldn't he have taken the window like the way he came in so my mother wouldn't see him?

I looked at the clock again: eight forty eight. My mom was already at work, so there was no risk of her catching him. I combed my fingers through my hair, stopping when I felt something dislodge. I pulled my hand back quickly and caught the object as it started to part from my hair.

It was a little white azalea. The stem was bent and split in multiple places, but all the petals were intact. I grabbed the lock of my hair that it fell out of and noticed that it was a little curly. N must have woven the flower into my hair after I had fallen asleep.

I didn't know how to feel. Was it right to feel happy about this? My hand drifted to my cheek as I replayed what he did. I know it wasn't his fault, but the nagging feeling didn't go away. Accident or not, he had slapped the hell out of me. I twirled it around and walked over to my desk. I gently placed it on top of my sketchpad and looked at myself in the mirror. I pursued my lips and inspected the damage. Horror shot through me as I saw how red my cheek was. It had also swollen slightly, but not by a lot. I sighed and went to look for him.

I looked in the room and the bathroom upstairs before heading downstairs. I was desperate to find him. Dread prickled at my heart as I thought of the possibility that he left last night. I had just passed the kitchen on my way to the laundry room when I heard the sound of glass tapping against the counter. I stopped and took a step back, peering in.

I sighed in relief.

N was standing by the counter using my coffee maker. I found myself staring at him, totally interested in what he was doing. After all the crazy, terrifying, and unnatural situations we had gone through, it was a bit funny to see him doing something as normal as making coffee. It was just a little weird that he was in my kitchen.

He was leaning down with his face inches from the pot, his face totally engrossed as the coffee dripped down. He looked like he was trying to solve a complex equation.

I couldn't help it. I started to laugh, blowing my cover. He shot up straight and whipped his head towards me in alarm. He stared at me for a second before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, clenching his fists.

My breath caught and I cursed myself. I had to remember to walk on eggshells with N, at least until I fully understood the extent of his unstableness.

Before I could make a move, he opened his eyes and gave me a nervous smile.

"Hey." He murmured, sticking his hands in his pockets. He was hunched over slightly. "Did you sleep well?"

"Uh… yeah." I managed to answer, looking down. The awkward tension made me extremely uneasy. I gathered up my courage and walked over to the counter, plopping down in the chair.

"You can make coffee?" I asked, honestly surprised. I hadn't expected him to be able to make coffee, I couldn't even do it.

He turned around on his heels and rocked back and forth. "It's something I learned while I was away." He said, beginning to make his way towards the cabinets.

N flipped open cupboards until he found a mug. He then went over to my fridge and took out creamer. I watched with an odd expression on my face. It was strange how he could be so familiar in my kitchen.

"I can't even make coffee." I blurted out.

The corner of his lips curled into a smile as he was tipping the pot into his mug. "I can teach you sometime."

I squirmed in my seat. He sat across from me and started to drink his coffee, his eyes on everything but me. The fact that he didn't offer me any struck me as an interesting attribute. Since he was raised as a king, it would make sense that he didn't have the knowledge that offering something was considered polite. He had servants that did that for him.

"What now?" I asked him shakily. "Where are you going after this?"

He put the mug on the table and looked down, flexing his jaw. "I don't have anywhere to go." He murmured.

It was like being hit with a ton of bricks. He doesn't have anywhere to go? Where has he been all this time? He's obviously been well kept and healthy. Surely he hasn't been homeless? If he has, then why wouldn't he have come to me sooner?

Why come to me at all?

My heart was fluttering at the possibility that maybe N wanted to see me. That he wanted to be with me.

No, he said he had nowhere to go. I must be his only option.

No matter what the reason, he was still here. I suddenly felt responsible for this mess of a man, and the very thought of it made me feel sick. I'm only nineteen, I still live at home, and I can't just let him stay here. He's a guy- an older, very attractive guy at that. My mom would lock me in the basement before I could even ask her if he could stay with us.

I looked up at N and realized that he was staring at me.

I reigned in my thoughts and stared back. His eyes were always expressive, making him easy to read. He was the complete opposite of me. He was broken, awkward, and maybe even a little crazy, but he was still the kindest and most innocent person I have ever met. I've been stupid to even think that he'd be interested in me, the rude, self-conscious girl that is about to kick him out of her house.

I blinked. I can't do that to him. Just like what I said to myself the night before, I'm not going to let him down.

I gave him the best smile I could muster. "Would you like to stay here?" I suggested weakly against my better judgment. Inside, I was screaming at myself. I know it's a stupid decision, but at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to put his needs before mine. I wanted to make him happy.

His face lit up. He jumped up and gave me a hug, well, one of _his_ hugs. I clenched my teeth as his fingers jabbed into my back, thanking god that he didn't have long nails. He retracted his fingers and lifted his hand, brushing a lock of hair out of my face.

It would have normally been a touching gesture, but the second he made contact with my skin, I flinched. I immediately went back to the moment he slapped me, and it was an automatic response to recoil away from him.

The look of rejection on his face was heart wrenching. I fought back the urge to comfort him, feeling ridiculous. He had slapped me. I wasn't about to comfort him, not for all the money in the world. My dignity was worth more than that.

"Your cheek is red." He stated quietly, clasping his hands together.

"Yeah." I muttered, looking away. I pushed myself out of the chair and stood in front of him, trying to hide the blush that was creeping to my cheeks. I scoffed at myself. My cheek was red anyway.

"Why?" He asked. I barely caught the edge to his voice.

I was trying to avoid this subject. A part of me wanted to tell him what had happened, but I also didn't want to cause him any grief. It wasn't his fault, he was having a breakdown. He wasn't in his right mind at the time. I didn't want to make any excuses, but I couldn't help it. Ever since he had broken down in my bedroom, I've had this unavoidable need to protect him.

"It's nothing." I mumbled, turning away. His hand shot to my shoulder.

"Why is it red?" He demanded, his voice shaky.

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and clenched my teeth stubbornly. "It's nothing."I repeated, getting pissed.

"It was me, wasn't it?" He growled.

"No." I said quickly. I cursed myself. It was way too quick.

A sharp, ragged intake of breath was all I heard. I stood there with my eyes raised to the ceiling, fighting back tears and the urge to run away.

He sank slowly to his knees and buried his face into his hands. "I'm so sorry." He whispered.

I kneeled down next to him and put my hand on his back, "Don't be. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was." He whispered. "I'm just like Ghetsis. He was right."

"Don't say that." I snapped. "You are nothing like he was."

"You're wrong." He said quietly. "I've always told myself that I'd never turn into my father."

"You're not your father." I said fiercely. "N, you're one of the sweetest people I've met."

He stared past me, his eyes glazed as if he was remembering something. "I never understood how someone could bring such pain to the ones they love." He carried on as if he didn't hear me. "I'm out of control. I should have just…" He shook his head.

I decided to ask the question that's been nagging me. "N, did you ever have these breakdowns before that day at the castle?" I asked gently.

He shook his head. "No." His gaze flickered to me. "Before that day, I was still in blissful ignorance of Ghetsis's plans. I looked past everything he used to do to me because I knew that it was the best way to continue my mission. But when you beat both of us, and he admitted to using me the whole time, I felt dead, like I had nothing left to live for. Everything he had done to me had been for nothing. I forgave him countless times for nothing. My whole life was for nothing."

He hesitated. I grabbed his hand, pain rocking me to my core. He squeezed my hand gently, and continued, as if I had given him the motivation.

"The only reason I was born was for Ghetsis. The monster that beat me, tormented me, isolated me, humiliated me… he was the only reason I existed. Touko, remember the day I left?"

I nodded. I wasn't going to admit it, but I thought about it every day.

"I took a step towards the edge of the room. You freaked out and pulled me back. You thought I was going to kill myself, and I told you I wasn't." He pulled my hands to his face. "I lied, Touko. I was going to step off the edge."

I started to cry. He was really going to do it. If I hadn't panicked and pulled him back, he wouldn't be here right now. Since he had my hands, I pushed my face into his leg to muffle my loud cries.

"If you were going to kill yourself, and I stopped you," I cried into his leg, "then why didn't you do it after you had left?"

He let go of my hands and started to stroke my hair awkwardly. I suppressed the urge to laugh. He was mimicking the very action I had done last night.

"Before, I thought that there was no one who cared about me. You showed me that there was something left to live for, that there was someone who actually wanted me to carry on." He breathed. "For the first time in my life, I felt loved. It was such a… great feeling. I knew I couldn't do it, I had to go looking for more."

"I didn't find it." He whispered. "Don't get me wrong, I encountered many people that loved each other. But never once did I find what I was actually looking for… for someone that actually would show that affection towards me. That's why I came back, Touko. You're the only person that's given me that."

I felt incredible. N didn't come back because I was his only option, he came back because he knew I cared about him. He craved my company. Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks.

"The first breakdown was the night I left." He said as if he remembered my original question. "They never happened before that day because I was able to put all those memories behind me. But then I realized that I was put through all that torture for nothing… they all came back so quickly. It was the worst experience of my life."

"How often do they happen?" I asked, wiping away my tears. They were stinging my cheek.

"Not as much as they used to." He whispered, "But they are quite frequent."

I closed my eyes. Would I be able to handle this?

N put his hand on my knee, as if he sensed my thoughts. "If you don't want to deal with me, I understand. I wouldn't want to keep me, either."

My eyes shot open and I looked at him with fierce determination, "No. You're staying with me, N." I snapped, shocking even myself. "I'll have you any way. I don't care how broken you are."

I threw my arms around him and buried my face into his neck. He froze for a few seconds, but he gradually returned the hug, and for once, I didn't mind his painful attempt at affection.

"Thank you." He murmured.

"Of course." I choked.

I kept my face out of his view as I cried silently. I wasn't about to let him know how I was destined to fail him.

I owe him that much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Day 635**

* * *

><p>I jumped at the sound of my mother opening the door. I checked the time. Five thirty, just as planned.<p>

I turned over to N quickly, "Okay, N. You remember everything I said?"

He straightened up and saluted me, "Yes, Touko. Down to the very last word."

I punched my palm. "Good. We can do this, just act the way I told you to act, okay?"

After N's heartbreaking confession in the kitchen, I began to prep him on exactly how to act when my mother got home. If he was going to stay with me, then I had to convince my mom that it was a good idea. I gently grabbed his arm and led him over to the counter, where I had him sit down. I began to make my way to greet my mom when N grabbed my hand.

His touch sent chills through me. "Yeah?" I asked, turning my head towards him.

His eyes flickered to my hand as he caressed my palm with his thumb. I waited, flustered, for him to say something.

"Uh… never mind." He muttered, looking away. I could see his face turning red.

I stood frozen for a few seconds before shaking my head. I tried to regain my composure, but my head was still spinning. I felt like I was walking on air as I went to meet my mother.

"Hi, mom!" I said, giving her a cheeky smile.

She hung her coat on the rack and gave me an odd look. "Hi. You look like you're in a good mood."

I slapped a frown on my face and stretched back, peeking into the kitchen. N was still sitting down, but he now had his elbows on the counter with his face in his hands. He had a dreamy look on his still pink face.

I snapped back into position. "Mom, I have a really big favor to ask."

She looked at me in confusion. "What is it?" She asked slowly.

I grabbed her arm and took a deep breath, _it's now or never_. I pulled her over and had her look in the kitchen. I bit back a sigh of relief when I saw that N was sticking to the plan of not looking over. He was supposed to look lost and innocent, which isn't all that hard for him. What wasn't part of the plan, however, was how he was leaning on the counter and blushing like a school girl with a crush. But I suppose that only adds to his appeal.

My mom turned to me, her eyes wide. "Who's that?" She whispered to me.

I gave her the saddest look I could manage. "His name's N. I met him while I was getting my gym badges."

Her face scrunched up. "N? As in, the letter N?"

I nodded. When I had first met him, I thought his name was strange, too. Everyone's reaction was always the same. Since then, I had become accustomed to his weird name. The person behind the name was much more of an odd ball.

"Is he going to stay for dinner?" She asked, her face curious.

_He's going to stay forever. _ I mused silently to myself.

"You see, that's what I was getting to…" I trailed off, looking down. I was nervous as hell, but everything was going according to plan. Operation guilt trip was in full swing.

"Mom… N has nowhere to go." I jerked my chin up to give her the best miserable look I had. I looked at her through my eyelashes, the only thing I was confident in. I had learned the eyelash trick from Touya and was practicing it with N all afternoon. He wasn't much help though, since every time I tried it on him he'd forget what to do and start to stutter.

"Oh, that's…" Her face fell in realization. She gave me a serious look. "Touko, I… no, I..." She sighed and creased her eyebrows. "You're only nineteen. What if you get pregnant or something?"

This time, the shocked expression on my face wasn't planned. I lifted my palms and stared at her, my eyes wide. I was at a complete loss for words. I dug my teeth into my bottom lip, embarrassed. I prayed that N hadn't heard.

"Mom!" I spluttered, "It's not like that, I swear!" I tried desperately to convince her.

"Geeze, Touko. You're blushing like crazy." She said, putting her hand on my face. I thanked god she didn't realize that it was actually the mark from N's slap.

"Well, that's what happens when you think about… those things." I countered weakly.

"My nineteen year old daughter has a cute boy in the kitchen. What did you expect me to think?"

I glared at the floor, my face heating up. "Can you at least meet him first before you say no?" I muttered. "I think you'll find that he's not that kind of person at all."

She stared at me, contemplating. My desperate face must have awoken something in her, since she sighed and pushed past me. I quickly followed her.

The second she walked into the kitchen, N jumped up and stood straight, extending his hand.

"I'm N." He said, smiling.

My mother shook his hand, smiling also. "I'm Mrs. White. It's great to meet you." She sat down across from him at the table.

I took a deep breath, on edge. I tried telling myself that it would be fine, since I did prep N all day for it. I worried at the possibility that she would say no. I was absolutely terrified. If she didn't let him stay, I don't know what I'd do. I just knew that I was going with him.

"So, N… Touko told me you two met while she was collecting her gym badges." She started, eyeing him. "Did you guys ever, you know, do anything?"

I threw my hands to my face in horror. I had no idea that would be the first thing she brought up. She's crazy. It was even worse because N was here.

He tilted his head to the side, confused. "Do anything? Yeah, we did a lot of things." He answered, his eyebrows creasing. "We didn't just sit around doing nothing."

Horror shot through me. I had to intervene, quickly.

"That's not what she meant!" I gasped.

Her eyes were wide and her mouth was gaping slightly. "You… you don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I told you." I muttered to her.

He shook his head, his eyes sparkling in curiosity.

She stared at him. "Sex, N." She stated loudly, clenching her fists. "Did you guys have sex?"

I resisted the urge to sink to my knees. Instead, I crossed my legs tightly, feeling uncomfortable.

"Oh!" N blurted out, smiling. His face fell and he shot me an embarrassed look. His eyes flashed quickly to my chest, then back to my mom. "Of course not, Touko's my friend."

"She's just a friend?" My mom pressed.

"Yes. She's my best friend." He stated, smiling.

His words made me feel warm all over. I grinned to myself, feeling like the pathetic schoolgirl that N had so perfectly portrayed earlier.

My mom stared at him for a long time, sometimes stopping to stare at me. I'd give anything to know what was going through her head. My gaze flickered to N, who had his eyes half closed. Upon closer inspection, I noticed he was shaking slightly. Thinking quickly, I stepped towards him and put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing softly. I desperately hoped my mom wouldn't notice N's strange episode.

The nervousness must be getting to him. I tried to imagine a scenario where N might have been in a situation such as this one, where someone was deciding on his fate. It was painful when I realized that it was all too likely.

I wanted to say something comforting to him, but my mom's presence kept my mouth shut. If she knew he had these problems, she'd be even more reluctant to let him stay.

_He's too dangerous._

_You could get hurt._

I pursued my lips. I had already gotten hurt, and I was all too ready to forgive and forget. Nothing would stop me from being with him when he needed me most. If she said no, then I'd pack my bags and go with him. It was too risky for him to be by himself, which made me wonder how we made it alone this whole time.

Unless…

He _must_ have been with someone. Considering how fragile he was, it was the only conclusion I could come up with. I took in a breath, disappointed in myself. How I hadn't realized this before I'd never know.

N put his hand on my arm, snapping me out of my thoughts. He gave me a smile and mouthed "thank you". I smiled at him encouragingly and concealed my worried face.

"Fine." My mother said, breaking the silence. "He can stay. But there are going to be rules."

My heart soared, and I couldn't fight back the giant smile that broke through my face. My mom noticed it, too. She was eyeing me approvingly, since it was probably the first real smile she's seen from me in a while.

N dipped his head, the corner of his lips curled. "Thank you."

My mom reached over and patted his hands, "No problem, honey." She looked to me. "Now, the rules…"

I nodded, "Of course."

She continued to explain about the little things, such as not allowing the heavy Pokémon in the house, and no ordering movies on TV. I shrugged that one off. N probably didn't know how to use one anyway.

I was getting ready to pull N out of the kitchen when she stopped me.

"And last but not least," she kept her eyes on me, "absolutely _no_ sex."

"Mom!" I yelled, flashing in embarrassment. "Why do you look at me when you say that?" I muttered, allowing my bangs to fall over my face.

She didn't say anything, so I took my chance. I gently placed my hand on his arm, silently asking my permission to touch him. He stood up, and I led him out of the kitchen.

"You'll be staying in the room down the hall from mine." I told him as I started to walk upstairs. "I don't know if you've seen it yet."

He didn't answer me. I looked over at him to see him deep in thought.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my heart starting to beat a little faster.

He looked up at me quickly and looked away again, his finger raised to his lips. He was nibbling his nail. "I was just thinking… what your mom said about big Pokémon." His face shot up to me worriedly. "Do you think she'll let Zoroark in the house?"

I stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds before I burst out laughing. He was just like a little kid. "N, is that what you're worried about?" I laughed, putting my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure he can be in the house. Serperior's huge, and he's allowed in."

"That's good to know." He breathed, relief flooding his face.

It was moments like these that made me remember why I had become so infatuated with him in the first place.

* * *

><p>Later after dinner, I was helping my mother with the dishes. N had disappeared into the backyard to let his Pokémon out. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with Zekrom, but he did mention something about maybe flying somewhere with him.<p>

"N's a real nice boy." My mother commented while she handed me a dish to rinse. "He was really respectable at the table."

I nodded. "Yeah, he's great."

A few more minutes of silent dishwashing passed between us. It was my mom who started to talk again.

"Do you like him?" She asked.

I shrugged. "He's a good friend."

"No… do you really like him?" She pressed, looking at me from the corner of her eye.

I stopped what I was doing. I stared down into the sink, my face heating up. It was weird talking about those things with my mom, with anybody. My insecurities would always stop me. They were always there to remind me that I wasn't good enough for anybody, and talking about it only made me seem more pathetic.

I couldn't deny my feelings, though. No amount of self consciousness could halt me from loving someone. It was being proven to me right now. Every awkward moment, every blush, every innocent expression only makes me fall deeper in love with him.

I was completely powerless. And for once in my life, being powerless didn't feel like such a bad thing.

"Yes." I murmured, slowly beginning to rinse the dish again.

She nodded, her suspicions confirmed. "I couldn't help but notice something in the kitchen… Touko, you're so careful with him." She paused. "It's like he's going to snap at any moment."

I didn't say anything or move a muscle on my face. I hoped that she'd just dismiss it as a mistake. However, just as expected, my mother was able to see past my act.

"There's something wrong with him, isn't there?" She asked quietly, turning off the faucet.

I bit the bottom of my lip.

"Yes." I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

**Day 645**

* * *

><p>Today is the start of N's third day staying at my house.<p>

It also marks the third day of my not being able to eat anywhere outside of the kitchen.

When my mother suggested to N that he could help out with cleaning, he took it to a whole new level. It was his first day living here when he found me eating in the living room. He watched me eat like a hawk, his eyes flickering around my plate. The minute I was done, he rushed towards me, grabbed the plate and went to wash it.

My mom thought it was hilarious. She would always crack a joke relating to N's housekeeping, but he was oblivious to her jabs. He would continue to attack the couches with a lint roller as if no one was there. Sometimes, I would just sit and watch him. It was free entertainment, and I had a front row seat to N making an idiot of himself.

It was also extremely cute.

The spotless house wasn't the only good thing about N's compulsive obsession with cleaning. It kept him busy and free from any breakdowns.

_That's probably why he likes it so much_. I thought to myself as I watched him vacuum.

I barely heard someone knocking on the door over the sound of the vacuum. I jumped up to go answer it while N started to push the vacuum into the hallway.

"Remember to watch out for the cord!" I called over my shoulder. I opened the door with a giant smile plastered on my face. It immediately disappeared when I turned to greet the visitor.

"Hey." Cheren said, shoving his hands in his pocket.

He was the last person I'd expect to see. I hadn't spoken to him since that night in the parking lot, and I avoided him even more when I was told he had a crush on me. I didn't feel comfortable; I desperately wanted him to leave. I was going to talk to him again eventually, but I wasn't ready to do it yet. Dealing with N's problems has drained me. I don't have time for myself right now.

I crossed my arms against my chest. "Hey."

He hunched over. "Mind if I come in?" He asked.

Before I could answer, he pushed himself past me and into the house. "Is anybody home? I hear the vacuum."

I was too shocked to say anything or act against him. I just stared at him, my eyes wide. Before, he would have never stormed into my house.

What's wrong with him?

But Cheren's change in demeanor wasn't my main concern right now. I had to get him the hell out of my house before he realized it wasn't my mom cleaning in the hallway.

"Cheren, you have to go." I breathed, grabbing his arm. "I'm really busy. You need to come back another time."

I had almost dragged him out the door when I heard the sound of the vacuum shut off. I muttered a curse. Cheren stared at me in shock, as if he had never heard me say a bad word before.

I rolled my eyes.

"Touko!" I heard N yell, "If you leave the door open, bugs will come in!"

I slapped my palms against my face and groaned. What a way to make an entrance, N.

"Is that-?" Cheren gasped. Before he could finish his question, N swung around the corner of the hallway, panting for air.

The minute he saw Cheren, his face fell and he looked away awkwardly. "Oh, sorry." He muttered and began to leave the room.

"You're back?" Cheren asked in disbelief, a rough edge to his voice. "And you're _here_?"

N turned around, lifting his chain defiantly. "Yeah." He just about growled. "Is there a problem?"

"There is!" Cheren shot back, taking a step towards N. "Do you know how much hell you put her through?"

N narrowed his eyes, "If I wasn't welcome here, then Touko wouldn't had let me stay. That's not for you to decide." As if in response to Cheren's threatening gesture, N took a step towards him.

I clenched my fists. I was pissed beyond belief, but most of all, I was nervous about what N might do. In no way was he violent, but he was fragile enough that almost anything conflict related could trigger one of his attacks.

On top of being nervous, I was confused. It was totally Cheren's character to be rude, but N just didn't seem like that kind of person. This was one of the rare moments where I didn't have an explanation or theory for his peculiar behavior.

I jumped in the gap between them, putting my palm on Cheren's chest. I didn't touch N for obvious reasons, but I still held my arm out threateningly.

"Stop being stupid!" I snapped.

"Touko, you're the one being stupid!" Cheren huffed, taking a step back. "He left you hanging for years and now you're taking him back?"

"I'm not in the mood for your shit right now." I shouted. "You need to get out."

Before I could hear a reply, I was pulled back roughly. My heart skipped a beat and I gasped in shock as I lost my footing. I braced myself for a fall, but instead of landing on the hard floor, arms wrapped around me. N was hugging me.

It was different, though. His fingers didn't dig into my skin like usual; this was a real, affectionate hug. But, I didn't feel the same way as I did when other people hugged me. He curved his body so that I fit into him perfectly. His lips barely brushing my neck, and his hands were precariously close to my breasts.

The way he held me was almost… sexual.

I took in a deep, shaky breath and stayed still. So many emotions flooded through me… Excitement. Nervousness. Love. Surprise. Pleasure. _Lust._

Lust, definitely lust.

"She told you to get out." N murmured. His breath tickled my neck, and I was so preoccupied by N's closeness that I didn't notice Cheren leave. The only thing that alerted me to his exit was the slamming of my front door. I felt a little bad about how N treated Cheren, but I wasn't worrying about that now.

Call me easy, but I was absolutely willing to let N do whatever he wanted with me. I've never felt this way before, the anticipation was almost excruciating.

"Our Lord N." A voice hissed.

I jumped and N abruptly let go of me, panting. My whole body felt completely weak, but luckily, I stayed standing. All those feelings were gone in an instant, and I resisted the urge to scream out of frustration. I crossed my legs, disgruntled.

I then realized my sexual frustrations were the last thing I should be concentrating on at the moment.

I spun around to see the three familiar, hunched up bodies that I had become accustomed to on my Pokémon journey.

The Shadow Triad always appeared out of nowhere. Before, I was always excited to see them because they would lead me to N. Now that they were in my living room and had completely ruined my moment, they were less than welcome.

N straightened his posture and smoothed his hair. He looked slightly surprised, but he regarded them warmly. I just stood behind him with my arms across my chest, glaring daggers at them.

"Lord N," the one in the front hissed, "We sense your distress."

N shook his head, "I'm sorry. It's over now."

The lead member dipped his head and in an instant, they were gone. Whenever they disappeared, it sent a shiver down my spine. It made me uneasy. After all, they could transport anywhere. I looked behind me warily.

N gave me a sideways glance and started to walk into the kitchen. Before, I would have let him walk away, but I was too annoyed to just let him leave. I needed answers.

"What was that about?" I asked. He stopped and pursed his lips, turning on his heels.

"The Shadow Triad is trained to appear when they sense a bad change in my emotions…" He explained, slightly embarrassed.

I bit my lip. That's not what I had meant. But being the coward that I am, I just went along with it. I thought I'd be brave enough to bring up the moment, but I chickened out.

So instead, I asked my usual curious question. "Are they the ones who were with you when you were away?"

His forehead creased. "How did you know I stayed with someone?"

"N…" I said softly, "the first night you were here you had a breakdown in my room. There's no way you could have survived all that time alone."

He stared at me, taking it what I had said. His eyes slowly slid down and he sighed.

"I'll tell you in the kitchen." He murmured, turning around without waiting for my response. I rushed after him, anxious to feel his closeness again.

I hopped on the counter top and let my legs dangle over the edge. N sat on the chair and grabbed my legs, wrapping his arms around them like he was hugging a stuffed animal. I gasped and hit my hands against the counter to regain my balance.

I laughed breathlessly, but N was staring at my legs. He didn't have a hungry look in his eyes; in fact, there was absolutely no expression on his face. He was completely blank.

I became quiet. I knew N was getting ready to tell me a story, and given his track record, it was probably going to make me depressed.

He rested his chin on my leg. "Before I came here, I was staying with a former Plasma grunt. She had found me one day and offered me to stay with her." He paused. "Actually, she literally begged me to stay with her. She was really young and was spouting some stuff about how I was still her king, no matter what had happened."

I narrowed me eyes. N had stayed with a girl?

"I stayed with her for most of my time away. She never asked anything of me. I just assumed she enjoyed my presence." He shifted in his chair. "She was gone a lot, but it didn't bother me. She was very flighty and jumpy. If I would start to have one of my…" He blinked and flexed his jaw. "She would run off, terrified. The Shadow Triad was the ones who were always there, popping in at the times I needed them. The only reason I stayed with the girl was because she was nice to me."

"I didn't want to leave and risk the chance of not finding anybody who treated me better than she did. But then, one day, she took me out with her for the first time. I found it odd, because she would always leave me at her house. But I was desperate for any kind of interaction, so I followed her eagerly."

N looked down so that his hair covered his eyes. His bottom lip was quivering. He looked so pitiful, and I desperately wanted to give him a hug, to tell him everything was alright. I stayed still. I needed him to continue his story. I needed to know everything about his past, for his sake.

"I was confused because the building he took me in had a lot of doorways. She dragged me along with no regard for my problem… I was frantic. The whole place reminded me of the castle, and the way she pulled me nearly made me fall apart right there."

"But finally she made it to the room. By that time I was ready to go into any room, so long as to get out of all the hallways. She opened the door and I rushed in. It was then did I notice the giant Plasma symbols that were hanging all over the room. She explained to me how she hoped to recreate Team Plasma, and she needed me to lead her. She already had hundreds of former members lined up to continue the goal of Pokémon Liberation."

I clenched my teeth. This girl hadn't taken him in for his well-being; she did it to use him. She hadn't even cared about his break downs. I stared at the top of his head in disbelief. How could someone be so cruel? Especially with N being as sweet as he was.

"I didn't want that, not after I had seen how great humans can be with their Pokémon. She started to yell at me, but I didn't know what to say. The Shadow Triad appeared and they transported me out of there, but it was already too late. Once I got back to her house, I went crazy. I broke all the dishes, threw the chairs against the wall, and tore up the couches… I totally destroyed everything. I left before she could arrive home."

He glanced at me. "That was about two weeks ago. The night I came back here."

"Wow." I murmured. It was all I could muster.

He took a deep breath. "That's why I had broken down so easily that night. I was already on edge. Riding on Zekrom had calmed me for a while, but it was just… too much for me." He closed his eyes and smiled. "Have you noticed that I have been fine this whole time with you? It's because I know you care about me, I can tell by the way you watch over me. This house is free of any stress. It's my safe haven."

"You're right; I do care about you a lot." I murmured, rubbing circles on his back. "I really enjoy having you around."

N sniffed, and I wondered if he had been crying. I tried to sneak a peek at his face, but he grabbed me and pulled me off the counter and onto his lap.

I was blushing furiously as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. It was nothing like the hug he gave me earlier, this one was friendlier.

"Okay," I said, fighting back any hyperventilation. "Enough of that. Can you tell me why you reacted so angry with Cheren earlier?"

"Oh." He said nervously. He rested his arms on my legs, oblivious to my blushing face. "It was just… He took a step in front of you."

I laughed. "And?"

This time, it was his turn to blush. He opened his mouth a few times before he actually said anything. His eyebrows knitted together and he looked at the floor, as if trying to remember exactly what he had done.

"The way he did it. It was as if he was protecting you." He unwound one of his arms from around me and scratched his head. "Like you were his. I didn't like it."

I let his words sink in, and when they did, I felt even more embarrassed with being on his lap. He had gotten jealous, extremely jealous over _me._

I nearly gasped when I realized what he had done. The reason he had hugged me so intimately was a display of _ownership_. He was showing Cheren that I was _his_, and only_ his. _

N was fighting dirty, and he sure as hell knew how to play the game.

I was seriously surprised. I had no idea he could act so deceiving. He performed that little stunt so he could chase Cheren off, and though I'd never get him to admit it now, that's exactly why he had done it. He had beat Cheren and also had me playing to his own tune at the same time.

I would have been pissed off if I wasn't extremely impressed.

I smiled to myself. There was no questioning N's feelings for me now, the only question was when things were going to start happening between us. In a way, I hope it won't be for a while. N had toyed with me in the worst way possible, and I was stupid enough to fall for it. I wasn't about to lie down and let him get away with it; I still have some unfinished work to do.

Let the psychological warfare begin.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Day 647**

The more I studied N's behavior, the more I realized that he acted like a Pokémon as opposed to a human. His little stunt in the kitchen a few days ago reminded me how the male Pokémon acted in the spring: forceful and possessive. If I hadn't been attracted to him from the beginning, I would have been extremely freaked out. But now that my frustrated hormones were in full swing, it only made me want him more.

Considering that the lust filled moment was only a show to drive a competitor away, it gave me little hope that I would be getting any anytime soon.

I sat in the kitchen with Zoroark's head on my lap. He grumbled with pleasure as I scratched his head and played with his unique hair.

N was ecstatic when my mom let him have his friend in the house. Zoroark was probably out of his poke ball and walking around the house 24/7, which N insisted was a normal thing for him. I didn't mind, because N's Zoroark wasn't really the trickster type. He never really got into any trouble; he preferred to be cuddled with. I happily obliged.

Serperior lied at my feet, snoring softly. He was really my only Pokémon that didn't mind being in the house. The others were too large or bulky and didn't feel comfortable being inside. Braviary would come in from time to time, but he didn't like the idea of not being able to fly, so he usually stuck to the backyard.

For once, N wasn't showing off his exemplary skills at cleaning. He was sitting on the other side of the table reading some calculus book. He found it on the bookshelf, just some book I forgot to turn in when I was a senior. But for reasons I cannot fathom, he enjoyed reading it.

I've tried countless times to get N to mention what he had done to me. But, he always dodged my suggestive questions neatly, becoming the innocent child that I had loved so dearly. It was irritating, but it was still a great learning opportunity. It allowed me to delve deeper into N's mysterious mind, and I came to realize that N was really like his father in some ways.

N's demeanor was, well, defensive. The way he was skillfully able to avoid the things he didn't want to talk about, plus his ability to be completely deceiving was a mirror of Ghetsis's talents. I'd hate to admit it, but some of his father rubbed off on him, and I was the one suffering for it.

It was like dealing with a child. A child I desperately wanted to discipline, but didn't have the guts to make the first move.

I closed my eyes and pressed my forefinger to my temple, sighing. Psychoanalyzing N was fun and all, but it exhausted me. As Pokémon and people were his unsolvable formula, he was mine.

I began to think about Cheren. Given his history, he probably already told Touya everything. I immediately felt guilty for not telling Touya. I wanted to see him again, but I was afraid that I had hurt his feelings.

I hopped off the chair and took my phone out of my pocket, intent on going into my room to call him. I was passing by N when an idea immediately came to me.

Experimenting with his attraction towards me, I kneeled down and hesitantly put my lips to the corner of his jaw. The second I did it, I immediately regretted it, fearing rejection. He stiffened, his eyes growing wide.

His reaction gave me the confidence I needed. "I'm going to make a phone call." I whispered.

He blinked. I was comforted at the fact that he couldn't see my blushing face, which would only ruin the mood I was going for. I wasn't aiming for something to happen. I wanted something much crueler.

He slowly turned his face towards mine, closing his eyes. It tore me apart, but my pride was more important to me at the moment. I jerked my face away and stood up, twirling around for good measure.

"I'll be back in a few." I said, and began to hurry to my room.

"Wait!" N gasped.

I turned around and looked at him expectantly. He had quickly turned in his seat and was clutching the back of the chair tightly.

"Who are you going to call?" He asked, his eyes wide.

I waved my hand. "Oh, nobody important." I assured him. "Don't worry; I won't talk to him for long."

His eyes flickered to the floor and back to me. "Him?"

I smiled at him. "It's fine. I'll be back down in a few minutes."

I spun around and started to head upstairs, my finger raised to my smiling lips. I felt incredibly crafty, and I couldn't help but feel a bit desirable as I left N almost drooling in the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Touya picked up on the second ring.<p>

"Why haven't you called me?" He immediately said, not even bothering to say hi.

"I know, Touya, I know." I sighed, letting the wave of guilt wash over me. "I meant to call, just…" I trailed off, at a loss for words.

"Just the new man in your life?" He guessed gruffly.

"No!" I snapped. I instantly regretted it. He had every right to be angry at me.

"And what's this about him totally making it to second base with you while Cheren was in the room?" He ranted on. If I knew him at all, he was probably pulling his hair out right now.

That made me stop. "That's not true!" I hissed indignantly, my fists clenching. What made me even angrier was the fact that in a way, it was true. Still, there was no way I was going to tell Touya.

"Can you please just let me explain?" I said quickly before he could start ranting again.

He grunted. I took that as an answer.

"I haven't called because I haven't had time." I sighed, leaning against the bed frame. "If it were a normal situation, I would have called you in a heartbeat. But," I paused, not completely sure how to word it. "N's _really_ out of it."

"What do you mean?" He said in a frustrated tone.

I ran my fingers through my hair. "The night he came back he had a break down in my room. He was shaking, lashing out, kicking, it was horrible." I said, barely being able to keep my words audible.

For once in his life, Touya was quiet. I had to take the phone away from my ear to check if he had hung up. Thankfully, he hadn't.

"Where is he staying?" He asked suddenly, an edge to his voice.

He caught me. I was kind of hoping to avoid that part of the conversation. He interpreted my hesitation as a confirmation.

"And your mom's _okay_ with that?" He asked in astonishment.

"Why are you so surprised? Last time I was over, your mom was trying to get us together." I shivered.

"You'd expect that from my mom. Your mom is usually stricter about that stuff." He mumbled defensively.

"It's not like we do anything." I growled. "Mom knows that…"

"You're safe, right?" Touya interrupted. "I mean, he's not going to hurt you or anything?"

My hand that wasn't holding the phone touched my cheek. I couldn't tell Touya about that. If he had gotten so upset at the thought of someone calling me ugly, he would absolutely murder N.

As I thought of it, I felt the familiar twinge of insecurity. Am I one of those stupid girls that stay with the man who abuses her? I try to tell myself that I'm not, that it wasn't N's fault, but isn't that a normal excuse? That it's not his fault? From someone else's point of view, the situation looked bad. But if one was to know the whole story, would they still think I was a fool?

"Oh, yeah." I said convincingly as possible. "I'm fine."

"Does your mom know about these breakdowns?" He pressed further.

I blinked. "No…"

"She didn't hear him in your room that night?"

I shook my head. Completely pointless, since he couldn't see me, but it was habit. "No. I cry out a lot in my sleep. She probably just thought it was me."

"Why would you-"He stopped talking and sighed. "I guess it's totally useless to ask you why you cry out in your sleep."

"Completely useless." I said. I wouldn't tell anyone the reason.

"It was worth a shot."

I laughed. "Do you think I can come over anytime soon?"

"You know you can. Will you bring N?"

I narrowed me eyes. Would I? "I don't know… maybe." I determined.

"Okay then. I guess I'll talk to you later, then?" He said.

"Yeah." I smiled, feeling better.

"Oh, yeah, Touko. One more thing…" He added.

"Yeah?"

"Use condoms." He shot at me quickly before hanging up.

My mouth fell open, appalled. Humiliation washed through me. I tossed my phone on the bed and groaned. Why did everyone assume we were having sex?

Yes, I'll admit that a part of me wanted… that. Was I being teased about it because it was so obvious? But I was smart enough to know that it was too soon for any of that. N also had to start acting his age.

As I thought of that, a curious question hit me. Does N even know how to do it?

I shook my head. That's really not something I want to be thinking about. My main priority right now is his safety and stability, not the extent of his questionable skills.

I climbed out of my bed and walked over to my desk. The little flower had caught my eye. I picked it up and held it to my face, admiring it. I can't believe I almost forgot about it. All of its petals were still bright and firm, which slightly surprised me, since I've never had a flower that lasted so long just sitting there.

"I wonder where he got it." I murmured to myself. I shrugged and set it back down on the desk before heading back downstairs.

* * *

><p>N and I had hung out like normal until my mom came home. She watched TV with us until N excused himself to go upstairs to get something. She watched him go up the stairs, and once she was satisfied that he was out of sight, she grabbed me.<p>

"Answer me truthfully." She started, her hand gripping mine. "Why doesn't N sleep in his bed?"

The question caught me completely off guard. He doesn't sleep in his bed? I say goodnight to him every night at his door. I make sure he's in his room.

"What?" I asked, confused. I really had no idea what she was talking about, or getting at.

She sighed. "I went in there earlier to check for any laundry. The bed is the exact same way we had it before he started staying with us." She explained, her forehead creasing. "To tell you the truth, everything is the same. He's really only in there at night. Just tell me, Touko. Does he sleep in your room?"

Ah. That's what she was thinking. "No!" I shouted out of shock. "Mom, I swear. He doesn't sleep in my room."

"I don't know whether to believe you or not." She stared at me, thinking. "I know you're a good kid, Touko, but still. The temptation is there."

I looked down. "Please don't do this to me. I promise. He's in his room every night."

She sighed in defeat. She was trying to get a confession out of me.

"Fine. Just know that if there is anything going on…" She trailed off. I knew what she meant. N would be gone in a heartbeat.

"I'll ask him about it." I mumbled, avoiding her eyes.

After eating, my mother went upstairs to change. Before heading upstairs, she gave me a look. I nodded, mouthing "I'll do it."

Once she was out of my sight, I turned to N.

"You sleep in your room, right?" I asked. I didn't have time for small talk.

His eyes slid up to me. "Of course I do."

"In your bed?" I pushed.

He narrowed his eyes. "Yeah."

I fidgeted. Obviously asking him questions aren't going to get me anywhere.

"Okay." I said, looking away. I have no choice but to sneak in his room later. Not only was my mother breathing down my neck, but I was curious now. I could tell by his curt answers that he was lying to me. It made me even more interested. Why was he denying it? Did he sneak out at night?

Every day he got more and more mysterious. I felt like a Pokémon Professor, constantly having to analyze his every move and actions to find out more about him. In some ways, Pokémon Professors had it a bit easier than I did. Their subjects can't talk, but Pokémon are usually always truthful and willing to please.

N, on the other hand, can talk. He just doesn't want to, which makes it all the more frustrating.

He began to bite his nail, avoiding looking at me entirely.

It wasn't fair that something so cute could be so dysfunctional.

* * *

><p>I rose in the middle of the night to check on N. As I stepped lightly down the hallway to his room, I began to wonder if I'd even find him in there.<p>

I stopped at his door and took a deep breath. I turned the handle slowly, and began to push lightly.

The door didn't budge. Did he block off the door or something? Was he trying to hide something that bad?

Frustrated, I shoved the door a little harder. It moved a little bit, but pushed back. There's definitely something in front of the door.

I was pissed now. I shoved the door roughly out of anger, satisfaction hitting me once I felt the blockade was dislodged.

I heard a sharp gasp, and a thud. Before I could register what was going on, N fell in front of me from behind the door. He was breathing quickly, looking up at me with shocked eyes. His hair was messy, and with embarrassment I realized he was wasn't wearing a shirt.

I blushed, but I couldn't let my determination falter.

"You sleep against the _door?_" I asked incredulously.

He rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah." He then looked up at me, and his gaze was so piercing that it kept me locked in place.

I was barely able to speak. "Why?" I managed to whisper.

His eyes were dull and unmoving as he stared at me.

"It keeps the monsters away."


	9. Chapter 9

_I was barely able to speak. "Why?" I managed to whisper._

_His eyes were dull and unmoving as he stared at me._

"_It keeps the monsters away."_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

**Day 648**

N's words struck me so hard that I was almost winded. As I stared at him in disbelief, I had to remind myself to take a breath.

"M- Monsters?" I asked softly. My tone painfully reminded me of the way mothers would speak to their children.

He nodded, his gaze never leaving mine.

I kneeled down in front of him so I was at his eye level, swallowing the bile I felt rising in my throat. I felt utterly sick to my stomach.

"What do they look like?" I dared to ask. I already knew what his answer was going to be. No matter how much it would hurt, I had to hear it for myself.

"They look… like me," he murmured.

My fist hit the door in a moment of pure rage. It swung back, the knob knocking the wall. I pressed my forehead beside my fist and let the tears of frustration flow freely.

"Like your father?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

I saw him nod in my peripheral vision.

"Fuck!" I snapped. I let go of all restraint, my fist fell and I sunk down to the floor, crying. All this time I've been lusting over him, wanting to get him in _my bed_, he's been suffering. I'm supposed to be _helping_ him! I've been too distracted with my own sick pleasures that I've been completely oblivious to his problem. I knew I would fail him.

He's not going to get any better being here with me. Even though he would be so much better being with someone else, there's no way I would send him away. I love him too much for that. I'm too selfish.

I felt a clawed hand on my shoulder followed by a narrow muzzle touching my face. I opened my eyes and Zoroark made a cooing noise, nudging me again.

I cupped his face with my hands and gave him the best smile I could manage. "I'm okay," I whispered.

His eyes glittered with uncertainty as he bumped my face again. A little laugh escaped my lips. I touched my face to his and looked at him straight in the eye. He grumbled and blinked.

"I'm sorry. I'm not dad; I don't know what you're saying," I explained in anguish.

Zoroark made a clicking sound and pulled away from me. I slumped to the floor again, wallowing in guilt. I couldn't help anyone.

"I'm sorry, Touko," N muttered.

"Don't be," I mumbled into the floor. "It's not your fault. It's mine."

He didn't say anything. After a minute of silence between us, I heard him shift his body as he began to make his way towards me.

I tensed as his forehead pressed against the top of mine.

"What are you doing?" I moaned, feeling even worse. "I should be comforting you right now, not the other way around."

He sighed. His breath caused some loose strands of hair to tickle my nose. I scrunched up my face in displeasure, earning a small laugh from him. I felt my face heat up.

The fact that his face was so close to mine made me feel weak. My attraction towards him was almost unbearable. With him being so close, I nearly threw my guilt out the window. If I moved my head up to look at him, our faces would perfectly align. They would be touching.

Knowing that, that's exactly what I did.

Slowly, I raised my head. The tip of my nose trailed along his chin and his lips until our eyes met. His eyes were unwavering with only a hint of uncertainty.

"As long as you're with me, there are no monsters." I said firmly, shivering when my lips barely touched his as I spoke. "I'll make all the bad dreams go away."

His eyes squeezed shut and he let out a choked cry. I hugged his neck, pulling him close. He buried his face into my neck and I was a bit disappointed, but I didn't let it show. I held him as he cried into my neck, trying not to cry myself.

"Please don't cry," I whispered, stroking his hair, "You're making me cry."

He sniffed and became quiet, although a small hiccup did manage to escape him.

Why did I do this? I have already known from the beginning that I wouldn't be able to help him. If I had let him go instead of holding on to him, he would have been better already, and I would have been spared all this grief. I was some parasitic creature that took him in out of selfishness. Now he was even more screwed up, and it was entirely my fault.

I hugged him tighter and caressed his back with my fingertips. He tensed and jerked, his body hitting against mine.

A large grin spread across my face. "N, are you _ticklish_?"

"No," He said quickly, his body still tense.

"Yes you are!" I accused, running my fingers down his spine. He jumped again and scrambled away from me, gasping.

I exploded into a fit of giggles. I immediately covered my mouth with my hands to muffle the laughter as N scooted away, his face red.

"Don't run away," I teased, crawling after him. "You said you're not ticklish. Why are you afraid?"

He stopped once his back touched the frame of the bottom end of the bed. His face turned slightly panicked when he realized he was cornered.

Something came over me when I saw his lost expression. Maybe it was my built of frustration, maybe it's just because I'm a sick masochist. There was something about the pure innocence in his face that made me have the need to take him. To take away his innocence and make him mine, and mine alone.

So that's why when I reached him, I didn't tickle him like he was bracing for. I planted my knees on the ground, grabbed his face and kissed him.

My lips smashed against his harshly. He gasped and I opened my mouth, moving with his lips. My hands hunted their way to the back of his head, and I tangled my fingers into his hair. I felt completely alive. This is the moment I've been waiting for. My weight pushed him farther against the frame as I completely took charge, feeling more confident with each passing second.

His hands cupped my face in what I thought was a sensual reaction. In a split second my face was shoved away roughly. He held my face is his hands at a distance, and I took the chance to study his expression hungrily.

His face was completely free of any color, his blush gone. His eyebrows were knitted together and his mouth was open a bit as he breathed in quickly. After a few moments of him holding me at this distance and letting myself get over the excitement, I realized with dread what had happened.

He had rejected me.

I'm _hideous._ I'm _psycho._ I'm _narcissistic._ I'm _horrible._ I'm _boring._ I'm _filthy._

They all came back to me as if he had opened the floodgates. I've tried so hard to get rid of them, and I almost had. A minute ago, I felt beautiful. I had felt confident, gorgeous, stunning, and _secure._

And it all ended with a shove.

With him staring at me, I felt even more humiliated. It was like he was putting me on display for the whole world to see. I struggled to blink back the tears that threatened to betray me, but in the end, it was all in vain.

The least I could do was to keep my crying silent. I let him stare at me while the tears ran down my face. I let him belittle me.

"Don't cry," he murmured, his thumb wiping away a tear.

"What do you expect me to do?" I mumbled as I squeezed my eyes shut. "I'm disgusting."

"No, you're not." He said with complete clarity.

"Then why'd you push me away?" I challenged.

He didn't answer. I opened my eyes to see that he wasn't staring at me anymore. His eyes were slightly lowered, fixed on my throat. He was thinking deeply about something, I could tell by the way his lip would twitch. I was so observant of him to the point where I knew almost all of his quirks. I could read him like a book.

I closed my eyes again. I was vaguely aware of my face being pulled forward, but I disregarded it as an imbalance. I was still light headed from the kiss. What wasn't my mind, however, was the feeling of something brushing against my lips. My eyes flew open to see N as close to my face as possible. His lips were open ever so slightly, and they barely grazed mine. Our lips were barely touching, it wasn't quite a kiss. I was frozen as I waited for him to move.

His eyebrows were creased as if he was confused, uncertain. I was desperate to lean forward and kiss him, but this was something he wanted to do for himself. If you looked past his uncertainty, there was a hard, set look in his eyes.

After what seemed like forever and a day, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. My body instantly reacted to his touch as I began to feel a certain need. His hands grasped the back of my neck and he titled my head back. He was slow and gently, which was fine, but I wanted it to be rougher, more controlling. I rubbed my thighs together uncomfortably, trying my best to ignore my frustration.

"Our Lord N."

That_ dam_ned voice. I jumped back, hitting my tailbone hard against the floor. Intense pain pulsed through me and I groaned, my hands flying to my lower back.

This is the second time they've ruined things for me, popping in and destroying any semblance of romance in the air. It made me wonder if they did it on purpose. With that suspicion in my mind, I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face in the floor, childishly ignoring them.

"Y-yes?" N stammered. I heard him stand up and straighten out his clothes. I suppressed the urge to scoff. There was no way he could make himself look more presentable when he wasn't even wearing a shirt.

"We were specifically ordered to deliver these to the girl," One of them explained. I didn't know which one it was; they all had the same steely voice.

That caught my attention. I lifted my head, "What?" N and I said in unison.

They were standing in formation in front of N, and then they suddenly appeared in front of me. The one who was always in the front was only inches away from my face, and his sudden closeness made me flinch.

"You couldn't just walk?" I growled, glaring at the floor.

He lifted his arm lazily and held up a sack that looked to be made of blue silk. I pulled myself into a sitting position and held out my hands. He set it into my palms and I had the surprise of my life when the weight of it slammed my hands into the floor.

N made a sudden move towards me, but stopped himself.

"I didn't expect it to be that heavy," I mumbled, embarrassed.

I was beginning to untie the ribbon that tied it shut when the second member appeared in front of me with another silk package. This one was also blue, and when he placed it in my hands I was ready for its weight. I set it beside the other bag.

When the third member manifested before me, I stole the chance to look into his eyes. They were a bright blue, and it took me by surprise. I didn't expect to see such a lively color on someone who looked so dead. He noticed I was staring. Our gazes locked for a few moments, and I swear I saw a playful gleam in his eyes. It was gone the instant he gave me his gift, this time with gold silk instead of blue.

He handed it to me differently, though. While the other members just dropped it into my hands and teleported away, he held his hands below mine, as to make sure I had a hold of it. This one wasn't nearly as heavy as the others, but it was still solid. I smiled at him as to say thanks.

The black cloth he wore over his mouth rose and his eyes were kind. He was smiling at me.

My own eyes widened in surprise, but before I could do anything, he was gone.

I blinked. Never before have I seen any of them show emotion. I wondered if the one with the blue eyes did it often, or if he had just liked me. There was something about his eyes that made him seem a bit younger than the other members, as if the cold nature of the Shadow Triad hadn't quite taken him over yet.

_I hope he stays that way,_ I thought to myself as I turned my attention to the items they had given me.

I picked up the golden one and pulled the ribbon. N walked over and sat crisscrossed beside me, his hands resting on his knees. He watched with utmost interest as I emptied the bag into my lap, oblivious to my nervous fidgeting.

It was a large, golden orb of some sort. It was cut in multiple places, making it almost diamond shaped.

"What is it?" I whispered, turning it to N. He took it in his hands and held it in front of his face.

"Open the other ones," he said shakily. "I think…"

I quickly took the other ones out. I didn't pick them up, though. They were extremely heavy, so I left them on the floor. One looked somewhat similar to the golden orb, but it was a bit smaller and was blue. The other one was completely round and smooth. I succumbed to my urge to touch it. It was flawless.

"Do you know?" I asked.

He had heaved the blue diamond cut orb in his lap and was stroking the edges with his forefinger. He nodded once.

"Yes," he murmured. "Do you know much about the Sinnoh region?"

"Not much," I admitted. "Is that where these are from?"

He rolled it over in his lap and nodded. "This one is called an Adamant Orb. It supposedly belongs to the dragon Dialga, the Pokémon of Time." He pointed to the smooth one on my lap. "That one is the Lustrous Orb, meant for Palkia, the Pokémon of Space."

"Dragons of Time and Space?" I echoed in awe. "Do you know what they look like?"

He pursed his lips, "A bit. There were drawings of them in books I used to read, but no one knows for sure if that's what they look like. According to the stories, Dialga stands on four legs and is a dragon made of steel." He stopped and pointed at the orb, "And it's blue." He added.

"Palkia is a water and dragon type. Unlike Dialga, he stands on two legs, and he's purple." He explained.

I was impressed with N's knowledge. But, it also made me feel a bit sick. He knew that much because he was always locked away in his room. Of course he knew so much, what else was there to do but read and study about his friends?

"If Dialga and Palkia are the Pokémon of Time and Space, then what about this one?" I rolled the Lustrous Orb off of my lap and picked up the gold one.

His lip twitched. "I don't know," he admitted. "The books said there was a third dragon, but it's elusive and rarely seen. To tell you the truth, I didn't even believe it existed."

"Did they ever explain what it looks like?" I pressed further. Since I myself owned a legendary dragon, it was especially interesting.

"A giant, Scolipede like creature. Its head is like a gold helmet," he pointed to the orb. "Just like that."

"So then, it must be real, right?" I whispered, clinging onto the hope. This time, I felt like I was _his_ child. He was telling me a bedtime story about legendary Pokémon, and I was the little girl who dreamed of finding them. It felt very… sweet.

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his head.

"I wonder who ordered them to give these to me," I said, yawning.

"You're tired. You should go back to your room." He murmured, looking at the floor.

Our little trip through history was replaced with awkward silence. I had kissed him, and he had kissed me. We were both tentatively avoiding the subject. I bit my bottom lip and scooted away, standing up.

"Yeah," I said, fixing my hair. "I'll see you tomorrow." I began to hastily make my way out of the room.

"Touko?" He said. I stopped but didn't turn around. I was too ashamed to face him.

"I… I just wanted to say that, well... You're not disgusting." He stammered.

His words struck me. "Oh," was all I could say.

"When you… got on top of me, it felt like…." He stopped. "It just reminded me of, you know. How it all happened so fast. I was cornered."

I've been so stupid. For what seemed like the millionth time that night, I crumpled to the floor in a fit of tears. I can't do this. I'm poison; my very kisses lead him to the brink of a breakdown. I'm not good for anything.

I cried louder when his arms wrapped around me. I tried to bat him away but his grip on me was strong. His face nuzzled the back of my head and I felt even more despicable.

I felt like some whore who demanded attention. I was the one who had hurt him, and yet he insisted on trying to make me feel better.

"Please stop," I begged. "You're making me feel even more horrible about myself."

"I'll stop when you stop crying," He said firmly, tightening his hug.

He kept to his promise, much to my displeasure. He continued to hug me as I cried for another ten minutes. I felt completely empty due to all of my crying that night.

What made me feel even more horrible was how N just hugged me throughout the whole thing. I wanted him to yell at me, to call me every horrendous word in the book. At least with that, I could feel a little bit of punishment for my actions.

But since he didn't do it, I resorted to tearing apart every last bit of self confidence I had myself.

"I'm a bitch," I murmured.

"You're not," He said firmly, caressing the back of my head.

I ignored him.

"I'm dull."

"You're not."

"I'm ugly."

"You're not."

"I'm needy."

"You're not."

"I'm selfish."

"You're not."

He refuted every insult that I threw at myself. Every answer was the same, and it made me wonder if he was even listening to what I was saying.

So, being the experimental person that I am, I decided to change my stance.

"I'm revolting."

"You're not."

"I'm beautiful."

"You _are._"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Day 650**

* * *

><p>I stared at myself in the mirror.<p>

"I'm beautiful." I said, testing it. I immediately made a face. It just didn't sound right rolling off my tongue.

"There you go," N said cheerfully from where he was laying on my bed.

"But it doesn't sound right," I complained.

"Keep saying it until it does." He suggested.

"I don't think it ever will," I sighed. "Besides, it makes me look like an idiot."

His eyes narrowed. "Being confident with yourself makes you look like an idiot?" He said with annoyance.

I shook my head. "N, you really don't know girls at all." I declared. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and just gave up.

N was completely horrified when he realized the extent of my self-loathing. The next morning, he had made sure to say, "Hey Touko, you look pretty today."

Even though my heart fluttered at his words, I tried not to think too much of them. He was saying them just to make me feel better. Yet, something inside of me felt like he meant it.

Neither of us talked about the kiss. Or rather, the two kisses. I had woken up that morning with the assumption that things would be awkward between us, but N proved me wrong. He acted completely normal. In fact, he acted extremely cheerful.

There were quite a few instances throughout these couple of days where I'd be doing something, only to turn around and notice that he was watching me. I tried my best to ignore it, but it made me uncomfortable. I was the one who was supposed to be watching him. It wasn't his job to watch me.

I sat down on the bed by his feet. He pulled his legs closer to him and sat up, clutching my pillow to his chest. He had his finger to his lips as he stared down at the bed spread.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked. In an attempt to seem nonchalant, I looked down at my fingernails.

"It's… nothing, really." He said slowly. "I was just thinking about how tonight will be the first time we've gone out since I got here."

I wasn't expecting that. "Oh," I murmured. "You're right." I felt guilty keeping him in the house all this time. It's a wonder he hasn't gone crazy yet.

"It's no big deal or anything," he carried on quickly. "I don't mind staying in the house."

"I am sorry about that." I explained, feeling ashamed. "It's just that I'm so used to being inside all the time."

He shook his head, waving his hand. "It's okay!"

N was always so willing to forgive anyone, and it kind of irritated me. He had every reason to be upset, but here he was, trying to make me feel better about myself. It's a pattern that I've noticed for a while now. I hoped to break it, but N was so damn stubborn.

When I was telling N about Touya inviting us over yesterday, he immediately jumped at the chance. At the time, I didn't think about how much staying cooped up in the house had affected him. I was now, and it was making me feel extremely ashamed of myself. I was no better than Ghetsis, keeping him locked in like this.

The unmistakable sound of a stomach growling interrupted my guilt session. I looked up to see N was a big smile on his face.

"I'll make breakfast!" He exclaimed, tilting his head to the side.

I continued to stare at him. Anyone who didn't know N like I did would find this behavior cute. It wasn't cute, not at all. His sudden change in demeanor from two days ago was scary, and to me, it indicated that something was wrong. He was usually awkward and hesitant, but now, he was chipper and spontaneous. A few days ago, he would not have laid on my bed in such a comfortable manner. When I got out of the shower this morning, I had to push him out of my room. It was like he didn't see anything wrong with me changing in front of him.

It was like that night flipped a switch. From a man who at least knew some boundaries, to a child who has never learned any.

It wasn't normal, and it worried me.

* * *

><p>"Are you ready to go?" I called, grabbing my house keys.<p>

"In a minute!" I heard him gasp. "Just let me finish the side of the couch!"

"Okay," I muttered.

N was lint rolling the couch again. I tried to tell him that he didn't need to; he already cleaned it twice before. But of course, he insisted on making it spotless and ignored me completely. I tried not to let his OCD on such things bother me so much. If it made him feel better, then he was free to do it. He can even wash me if he wanted to.

I giggled.

My mother eyed me from the couch that N wasn't attacking.

"I thought you put your hair up," she remarked, tilting her head as she examined me.

I rubbed my arm nervously, "Yeah, but I decided to wear it down."

"You look pretty, honey. You should wear it down more." She suggested, smiling.

I couldn't fight back the pleased smile that managed to break through my ever present frown. That's exactly what N had said, and the fact that someone else was telling me that made me feel a bit better about myself.

"Thanks, mom." I mumbled as I grabbed my purse and threw the keys in. I shook my head as I watched N run into the hallway to put the lint roller back in the hall closet. I guess I should be happy that his obsession was something that had a positive impact in the household rather than a negative. I'm sure my mother enjoyed it; she's barely had to do anything around the house since he's gotten here.

He rushed to my side and I opened the door, pulling out Reshiram's poke ball. I ventured as far away from the house as possible before I even thought about releasing him. N walked the opposite direction. It was something we both knew, but never had to say anything about. If we released the two dragons so close to one another, we'd have a fight on our hands. They both still held a bit of a grudge against each other, and for good reason. Whenever I think of that fight, I feel completely disgusting and shameful. It was long and brutal; definitely something that turned me off of battling for a while. It was one of those moments where I understood N's motives in some way.

I was too busy with my own thoughts that I didn't realize that N had already released Zekrom. I turned around slowly and let myself take in Zekrom's size. Reshiram may be a bit taller than his opposite, but the black dragon was way heavier. You could clearly see his muscle outlined on every part of his frame, and it was a bit terrifying. He was leaning down and N had his hand on his nose, eyes closed. I watched as Zekrom grumbled quietly, resulting in a small smile from N. It left me a bit disgruntled.

I was completely jealous of the fact that N could speak with his Pokémon. To know what they're saying… it must be the best feeling in the world. Who wouldn't want to hear what their friends were saying? It was hard having to interpret every action or sound that they make, but I think I fair pretty well. Still, it would be nice. Easier.

Zekrom's eye slid over in my direction. He let out a soft cry and N turned his head towards me, his eyes curious.

I quickly looked away and cursed myself. Zekrom must have told him I was staring or something. I sighed and pressed the button, tossing the poke ball in the air. Reshiram wasn't really big on making an entrance; he usually just drops to the ground and stares at me. For some reason, however, he was feeling dramatic this evening. His flames burned brighter and I felt the scorching flames against my skin. I had to take a few steps back to avoid getting burned. He let out a thunderous roar, almost exactly like the one he had made when he had battled Zekrom.

I blinked in surprise.

Oh, _shit._

"No, no, no!" I yelled, throwing down my purse and raising my hands in a panic. If they battled here, I'd be so screwed. "This is not a battle!"

Zekrom jerked up from N's hand and turned towards Reshiram, baring his fangs and snarling viciously. Volts of electricity shot across the yard and quickly smashed against the trees, causing flaming bits of wood to shower over us. Reshiram stomped his foot, and the impact nearly made me fall over. I lost complete control of the situation as I realized that the burning shards were eating away at my arm. I frantically brushed them off and winced as I felt the burn set in and make its mark against my skin.

Before I had a chance to relax, I was blasted by a huge stream of ice cold water. I was shot down so quickly that I almost blacked out, and I rolled on my side at least fifteen feet back. My head was screaming in pain, and I grabbed my head and yelled out every cuss word imaginable.

I felt Reshiram nudge me with his nose and I batted him away. I don't know what just happened, all I knew is that it hurt like hell and I just felt like dying right there on my lawn. Black spots were blurring my vision, and instead of dealing with them, I just closed my eyes. I drifted in and out of consciousness, only to wake up quickly when I felt warm hands grip my shoulders, shaking me.

"Touko!" N's voice gasped. I tried to say something, but it only came out as a garbled moan. I felt his hands claw their way to my back and he lifted me about a foot from the ground before propping me into the sitting position. Fatigue washed over me at the sudden movement, and I began to choke as I vomited up water.

Smaller, gentler hands pressed against my forehead. For a second I thought they were N's, but his were already on my back.

_Must be mom,_ my scrambled mind was able to suggest. _She must have heard Reshiram and Zekrom's little turf war._

"Okay, lift her up." A feminine voice said. Yes, definitely my mom.

I was too busy recognizing voices that I didn't register what they were saying. One of his arms went under my legs and I had a little moment of terror as I was lifted off the ground and I flailed aimlessly, desperately trying to get a hold of something. I managed to grasp something and I clung to it, comforted by the sense of security it granted me. I buried my face into the soft fabric and sighed raggedly, still careful of the fact that I could be retching up water any second.

It was then did I suddenly realize what I was grabbing hold of. My eyes shot open and I was greeted by the sight of N's bare throat. I blushed profusely, closing my eyes again. I was soaking wet, but he didn't seem to mind. He looked at me with a worried expression on his face as he carried me across the yard, almost tripping quite a few times. N wasn't the most muscular of men, so he rushed me into the house less than gracefully as he tried to support my weight.

I slid my eyes open a little bit and looked over his shoulder. The two dragons were standing by each other peacefully, their dispute long forgotten. Zekrom looked on with a bit of interest while Reshiram looked extremely worried. My dragon flapped his wings in an irritated manner as he bobbed his head back and forth, crying softly.

_Forgive me, Touko._ A voice pleaded to me.

"Huh?" I whispered. I've never heard that voice before in my life, yet it sounded oddly familiar. As if I knew it.

"Reshiram is sorry." N murmured, kicking the door shut behind him.

I stared at the door, mystified. That was… that was Reshiram. It had to be. He spoke with me, and I heard him.

"I know," I breathed, sinking back into his neck.

N got onto his knees and set me down on my back on the coffee table in the living room. I coughed, my head lolling to the side. The coasters were scattered on the floor, as well as the magazines. N actually allowed my mom to throw them on the ground?

My little joke got me laughing. I regretted it the second I started choking, and my whole body lurched upwards as I flipped over, banging my fists on the table. N's hand hit against my back, forcing out the water that was threatening my every breath.

"Thanks," I wheezed, closing my eyes.

N's hand didn't leave my back. I held my breath and shivered as his fingertips stroked my aching skin. If I wasn't on the verge of passing out, I probably would have jumped him. Instead, I allowed myself to be comforted by his warmth without letting frustration get in the way.

The normalcy ended, however, when his fingers curled through the fabric of my shirt and around the back of my bra.

I stiffened, my hands gripping the edges of the table. That caught me completely off guard, and my heart started beating wildly as I waited for his next move. I didn't think he could shock me anymore than he has already.

But of course, I was wrong.

He began pulling my shirt up and I shivered as the cool air made contact with my wet skin. I arched my back so he could get the soaking shirt off of me. His touch left a trail of hot fire in its wake, and suddenly, I didn't feel cold anymore. I vaguely wondered where my mother was, since there was no way he would do this if she was in the room.

I remembered the last time I was showing this much to N. He had told me something about indecency and marriage.

"I thought you had this rule about not being indecent around each other," I blurted out.

He looked down at my shirt in his hands, a blush creeping to his cheeks. "If you keep these wet clothes on, you'll get sick." He murmured, "Your mom is getting you a blanket."

I sat up. "I still have wet clothes on. I don't think just taking off my shirt will help prevent me from getting sick."

His head shot up towards me, his eyes wide in shock. "I- I, I can… I mean, if you want… but, maybe I should leave?"

His bewildered, innocent expression almost made me melt. "I'm just kidding." I reassured him.

I was totally lying.

He breathed out and smiled nervously, "Oh, okay. Good." He reached behind himself and grabbed a pillow, handing it to me. "Here."

I grabbed it and hugged it to my chest, "Thanks." I muttered. "What even happened? All I remember is getting blasted by water."

He grinned and looked down, scratching the back of his head. "Well… you didn't realize it, but you got a little too close to Reshiram and, well…" His eyes flickered to mine. "You were sort of on fire?" He admitted, although he made it sound like a question.

_On fire?_ My mouth fell open, but before I could say anything, my mother came from behind me and put a blanket over my shoulders.

"It was just your foot," she added, walking around the table to sit on the couch behind N.

"That's not a big deal," I concluded, staring down at my foot. I noticed my right shoe was missing. "But what did you do with my shoe?"

"It's outside," N answered quickly.

My mom started laughing. I stared at her confusingly as N bit his lip and looked away, blushing fiercely. What's so funny about my shoe being outside?

She waived her hand at me and mouthed, _tell you later._

I sighed, still not content with the answers I was getting. "Okay, but that still doesn't explain where the water came from."

N looked up at me, "I'm sorry about that… but Hydro Pump is the only water move Carracosta knows."

A chill ran through my entire body as I realized how dangerous that was. A Hydro Pump. One of the most powerful water attacks there was, and N had a Carracosta attack me with one. No wonder I was thrown back so far. I could have been killed.

Knowing that, I was faced with a harsh reality. A simple stomping of my foot would have destroyed the fire easily. Was N really that clueless that he would actually do something as stupid as almost murdering me?

What next, having his Vanilluxe use Blizzard on me because it was too hot in the kitchen?

I ran my fingers through my hair, letting everything sink in. I had a lot more work to do, and lusting after him wasn't going to cut it anymore.

"Can someone call Touya and tell him we're going to be a little late?" I murmured, standing up. My lightheadedness made me sway, and N quickly grabbed my bare waist. The butterflies in my stomach went wild.

He knitted his eyebrows together, eyeing me like I was crazy. "We're still going?"

I nodded, resisting the urge to close my eyes and fall into his arms. "There's something I need to talk to him about in person."

* * *

><p>We ended up taking just Zekrom to Touya's house. It wasn't some form of punishment for Reshiram for starting the fight, I was all too willing to forgive my friend and have him fly me there. But N and my mom both agreed that since I was still screwed up from Carracosta's Hydro Pump, it would be safer if I had someone holding on to me. That someone was N.<p>

I still had enough sense to show the way to Touya's house, though. To tell you the truth, I felt pretty much alright in regards to the Hydro Pump. Carracosta must not have performed it to its full power, because if he did, they'd probably be picking up pieces of my body scattered all around the yard right now. The thing that really made me feel woozy was how N held me so closely. We were sitting on Zekrom backwards, with N holding me tightly and leaning against the dragon's shoulder blade. I barely heard the thunderous roaring of the wind; I was falling into my own little world, where it was us and only us.

I could get used to that idea.

I snapped out of my little trance when I heard Zekrom's feet touch against the ground. Zekrom began to straighten up and N's grip around me tightened as we slid off his back.

I thought I had a good control of my body, but once I felt the ground beneath my feet, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. Today just wasn't my day.

N helped me up, muttering an apology. I brushed my pants and avoided looking at him; I was embarrassed enough as it is, I didn't need him seeing my reddened face.

I walked on ahead, stretching my legs as I tried to get them working normal. N recalled Zekrom and quickly followed me up to Touya's door.

I knocked on the door and hoped he wouldn't be too mad about us being late. I began to rub my arms; for some reason, it was always cold whenever I came over to Touya's. The fact that my hair was a bit damp didn't make it any better, and with a defeated sigh, I pretty much accepted the fact that I was going to get sick.

All of this because my shoe was on fire and N didn't know stop, drop, and roll.

The door began to open and I couldn't wait to run inside and sit in front of the heater. I began to imagine cuddling up with his Emboar when I heard N quickly suck in a breath.

I looked up to see Touya smiling at us, wearing nothing but boxers.

My mouth fell open. What the hell is wrong with him? Didn't I tell him how jealous N gets? My hand twitched as I resisted the urge to punch him in his stupid mouth.

Then, it suddenly hit me. He did this deliberately; he wanted to garner a reaction from N. He wanted to see the extent of N's jealousness while totally disregarding my feelings entirely. He was using me as a pawn to get what he wanted.

I'm going to kill him.

"Hi, Touko," he greeted me happily, a grin on his face.

I clenched my teeth as N's hand grabbed mine, fighting back the anger that was threatening to reach its boiling point. The boys I surround myself with are so stupid.

Touya's eyes flickered to our hands and he narrowed his eyes, the corner of his lip curving upwards. He looked so devious, and it only pissed me off more that he was getting what he wanted.

"Hey, N. It's been a long time." He extended his hand to N, who was staring at him with his eyes wide. He blinked and hesitantly shook his hand, and I winced as N's grip on my hand became significantly tighter.

I dragged N into the house, "Can you at least put some clothes on?" I growled.

He closed the door, "Where's the fun in that?"

I glared at him with all the fury I had pent up this evening. N brushed his hand over my head, trying to calm me. I defiantly jerked my head away from his hand; I was done with his idiotic attempts at ownership over me. I wanted Touya to get some clothes on so we could start acting normal.

"Okay, okay." Touya said, putting his palms up. "But, can you get them for me? I want to show N around."

He was up to something, but I didn't really care about that at the moment. If it meant that he would get dressed, then I was fine with it. N let go of my hand and I made my way upstairs to Touya's room, content with leaving the two idiots alone together.

I shut Touya's door behind me and made my way over to his dresser. I yanked open one of drawers and pulled out a shirt, tossing it on top of the dresser as I began to look for a pair of pants. I found some jeans and pulled them out, stopping when I saw a pair of sweats under them.

_Mine now,_ I thought darkly as I started to pull down my pants. I put on his sweats and welcomed the warmth they granted me. I grabbed his clothes and was ready to make my way back downstairs when I saw a little green box on his bed. It had a little sign on it that read, _For Touko._

Something inside of me screamed not to open it, since Touya was definitely being a trickster tonight. If I didn't open it, however, I would be thinking about it the entire evening. How bad could it be, really?

My curiosity got the better of me. I dropped the clothes on the ground and walked over. I sat on the bed and picked up the box, pulling off the lid and cautiously peering inside.

Of course. Of course Touya would get me a box of condoms.

I threw the box against the wall, fuming. Why did I have to be constantly reminded of the fact that I can't get what I want? Also, why did Touya have to be so much of a pervert? Why couldn't he treat me the way he treated me that one night, kind and brotherly? My emotions were in turmoil and I was suffering, I needed him to be there for me.

I stared at the condoms that were scattered all around the floor. Maybe this actually _was_ Touya's way of saying that he cared. He's never been much of person who talked about feelings and problems. Perhaps he was trying to tell me to be safe without actually having to go through the awkward conversation.

Still, whatever the reason, I found myself walking over to the mess and kneeling down. I picked them up and put them back in the box, feeling a bit guilty for the mess I made. When I picked up the last four, I didn't toss them in the box like the others. I stared at them in my hand for quite some time.

_Maybe…_

I sighed and shoved them in my pocket.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11****  
><strong>**Day 650**

* * *

><p>I picked up the clothes and hurried back downstairs before Touya could do anything to N. My hand hovered protectively over my pocket as I hurried back down to the first floor, as if someone was going to jump out at me and expose the condoms in my pocket.<p>

My initial plan was to rush into the kitchen; however, as I approached it, I heard Touya's hushed voice. He was talking to N quietly. I stopped myself and sat against the wall, drawing my knees to my chest as I strained to hear what they were saying.

_Is he talking about me?_ I thought. I was extremely curious, but also a bit worried. Whatever he was talking about must not be for my ears, but I couldn't stop myself. Didn't I have the right to know if they were talking about me or not?

"Like I said," Touya murmured. "You don't have to worry about me and Touko."

"But you two are so close…" N trailed off.

I hugged the clothes closer to my chest as I felt my heart break. He sounded so helpless.

"She's like my little sister," Touya explained simply. "I'll do anything for her, I love her. But it's not like that. That's why I'm telling you this."

Telling him this? Telling him what? I waited for N's reply, but it never came.

Touya carried on. "When you were gone, she was completely miserable. I have every reason to beat the crap out of you, but I won't. Because I know you make her happy, and it'll make her mad." He paused. "She's scary when she's mad."

"She was miserable?" N whispered, ignoring Touya's small threat.

I didn't hear Touya's answer, but I assumed that he nodded. "And I know she makes you happy. So why haven't you done anything yet?"

"Done anything?" N echoed.

"Why haven't you kissed her? Make her feel beautiful, she's a wreck! She deserves the best, and if you don't give her that, then you can't have her." Touya said fiercely.

I felt so fragile at that moment. There was just something about Touya's words that implied that I needed to be held and kissed to be happy.

I shrugged. He could be right, but then again, my inner woman was screaming at me not to believe it.

"But," N mumbled, and I could almost picture him looking down. "I have."

I bit down hard on my nail.

That caught Touya by surprise. "You've what?"

"I've kissed her." N said quietly.

"You… you have?" He spluttered. "So are you guys, like, official?"

"Official?" N questioned.

Of course he wouldn't know what that mean. I was actually glad that N was able to show a portion of his cluelessness to Touya. It would give him an idea of exactly what I was dealing with.

"Together. Like boyfriend and girlfriend." Touya specified slowly.

"No."

I know it's stupid, but that one word hurt me. He didn't say it sadly or regrettably, he just stated it coldly. I guess I just wished that he would be bothered about it.

"Why the hell not?" Touya snapped. "You kiss her and you leave her hanging?"

"No… I mean, I don't know." I heard N shift. "She's taking a long time up there." He changed the subject.

"My room's dirty." Touya lied smoothly. "She's probably cleaning it or something."

"Why would she do that?" N asked in alarm.

"Because she's _stupid,_" Touya said loudly. Suggestively.

My hand flew to my mouth, muffling my gasp. The idiot knew I was here.

"She's not," N muttered, oblivious. "She already doesn't think highly of herself. I don't know why, though. She's wonderful."

"Yeah?" Touya said in interest. "What else?"

He was goading N on. Somehow, Touya knew I was listening and now he was getting N to say all these things he wouldn't say if I was here. I didn't know Touya could be deceiving, but I guess there are a lot of things about my boys that I didn't know about.

"She thinks she's _ugly_," N muttered in disgust. "But she's not."

"So you think she's pretty." Touya stated.

"She's beautiful."

I brushed my lips with my fingertips as the butterflies in my stomach went crazy. Granted, he's already said that to me quite a few times, but he never said it so directly before. It actually did make me feel beautiful for a second.

There was a pause. "Then… why don't you tell her that?" Touya questioned.

"She won't believe me." N answered sadly.

I heard Touya jump off the chair. "N, there's something about girls that you need to know. They're liars."

My anger skyrocketed. Was Touya now trying to gain a reaction from _me?_

"They may tell you that they don't want you saying those things, but they're lying. That's what they want the most; and Touko's no different." He explained.

I pursed my lips as thought over his reasoning. When N tried to convince me that night, I viciously denied everything he said. I didn't want him saying it. I have built up so many walls around myself that I can't even allow someone to compliment me without thinking that they're lying. I'm screwed up, and N knew it. Everyone knew it. Touya even called me a wreck.

I've been thinking all of this time that N was the one who was messed up, who was the one who needed help. But that's not the whole thing; I needed help, too. I just couldn't accept it.

Well… It's not that I couldn't accept it, I _wouldn't_ accept it.

I don't think I deserve to be called beautiful.

"You don't understand," N's distressed voice broke through my thoughts. "I try to tell her. She doesn't believe me."

"Try harder."

I jumped as someone slammed their fist against the table.

"I do!" N hissed, "She won't believe me! I wish there were some way I could make her understand…"

"Make her understand what?" Touya said quickly.

The room was silent. I dug my nails into my palms as I stared at the ground, waiting. A part of me felt guilty for listening, since I was intruding on N's secrets. But I was also hurt at the same time. I've been with him all this time and he's never opened up so easily to me before. Maybe it was because N was more comfortable talking with a guy?

"How... how I feel about her."

I was shaking now.

"And that is…?" Touya pushed.

Touya, God bless him.

"I think I love her." N murmured.

_I love you, too. _I thought through my tears._ I always have. _

"There you have it." Touya declared. I knew he was talking to me.

Does N even know what love is? I don't know, neither do I care. He thinks he does, and that's good enough for me. I wiped the tears and tried to stop crying, but whenever I thought of it, the tears continued to flow.

"So… did you get to second base yet?" Touya asked.

Okay, jerk. This was my cue to come back. I sucked in a deep breath and scrambled to my feet, supporting myself with the wall. I wiped my eyes one last time before walking into the kitchen.

They both looked at me quickly, although N was the only one with an alarmed expression. Touya just stared at me, his eye brows raised expectantly and his palms out, as if he was saying, _did I do good?_

I threw the clothes at his face. "Put them on."

His face fell, but he reluctantly did as I said. I looked away modestly. I desperately wanted to hug him, but I knew it would look suspicious. I wasn't supposed to have heard what they were saying. Even if Touya knew, hell, he might have even planned it that way, N didn't. And I wasn't going to embarrass him.

"Can you get the GameCube out from under the TV and hook it up?" Touya asked, pulling up his pants. "You can look now, even though I wasn't showing anything bad to begin with."

"You know you repulse me," I muttered.

"At least I'm now two feet tall," He shot back. "I'm glad I can reach the top of the fridge."

"I'm not short!" I spat indignantly. "Just because you're a tall freak doesn't mean I'm short."

"Whatever you say, idiot. Still, can you get it out?"

"Why?" I complained. "I hate having to bend over the TV…" It's true. I could never see where the cords were supposed to go, and I could never reach the right places. It just frustrated me.

Touya snorted and started laughing. "You'll like it soon enough." He gasped.

What? I'll like hooking it up soon enough? I… Oh.

I'll like bending over soon enough.

"You're an asshole." I muttered, blushing. I was thankful N didn't get it. He was just sitting there, his eyes flickering between the two of us a bit worriedly. He probably didn't understand that we were joking around.

"Fine," I muttered, looking down. "I'll go hook it up. But you have to feed me."

"You really think I wouldn't? N's already offered to help me cook. You just need to sit around and let us do everything." Touya said happily, going over to the fridge. "Just make sure to get the game on. I want to play N."

Did N even know how to play video games? I highly doubted it. It's not like he had a normal childhood where video games would have been something he often played, like Touya and I. We were always so competitive. N didn't seem like that kind of person.

I was just about to voice my opinion when N excitedly jumped in, "Do you have Mario Kart?"

Touya nodded, "Of course!"

N's jaw dropped, "I haven't played that in forever! I'd love to play you."

"Great! Touko plays winner!" Touya shouted, nearly throwing the groceries on the table. "This is going to be great."

The testosterone in the kitchen was mind boggling. I shook my head, irritated that my original theory about N was wrong. Who knew he liked video games? I began to make my escape into the living room.

"Nice sweats," Touya commented.

"Thanks," I said, not turning around. "They're yours."

"I know."

I had already left the kitchen when I heard Touya say, "See N? She was cleaning my room."

It was just so ridiculous that I had to laugh. Even though the night started out on the wrong foot, someone up there decided to start being nice to me.

N was mine. Even if nothing happens between us for weeks, he still loved me. And I was content with that. For now.

* * *

><p>I sat between the two boys on the couch as they battled it out. Both were leaning forward and were gripping the controllers tightly, with Touya cursing every so often. I had to break them up quite a few times, as Touya would get irritated and try to smack the controller out of N's hands. This would cause a mini fight between the two of them as they flailed their hands blindly, trying to hit one another while still keeping their eyes on the screen. That's why I was sitting between them now.<p>

At first, I was worried that their little fits would bring back some harsh memories for N. But he didn't seem fazed at all. He was happy.

"No!" Touya groaned, jumping up and throwing the controller on the ground. "You cheated!"

"I did not!" N shot back, "You just fail."

"Rematch!" Touya growled.

"Hey!" I shouted, sitting up. "You said I play winner."

N smiled, "You did."

Touya muttered something unintelligible and passed me the controller, sitting down beside me again.

He whispered into my ear, "I let him win."

I didn't know whether to believe him or not. He could have been lying, but I don't know. I honestly didn't think N would win, so maybe Touya was telling the truth.

A few minutes later, N had totally beaten the crap out of me.

"You did not let him win." I pouted, sinking back into the couch.

"Yeah," Touya said sadly. "You're right."

N had the biggest smile on his face, and I couldn't stay upset for long. His happiness always rubbed off on me. I sighed and lay my head back, staring at the ceiling. Touya and N did the same, and we were all squished together on the couch looking up.

I felt completely blissful. I was with my two favorite people, and we all were okay with each other. I also had seen another side of N tonight; the normal side. The competitive, video game loving boy he was.

Sure, his love of video games probably derived from the fact that he was stuck in his room all day with a GameCube, but still. Maybe he'd start coming over here normally to see Touya? Hopefully they could become good friends.

Even though Touya had done a lot of good things for me that night, I still had a score to settle with him. Answering the door almost naked, for one, not to mention the condoms (four of which were still in my pocket). To add onto that, he was also getting quite comfortable with sexual innuendos.

N was laying to my right, his body pressed against mine. He felt so warm, and I had to resist the urge to snuggle up with him. I could feel the hard muscles on his arm, which weren't big, but were quite prominent. Like I said before, he wasn't too buff. But that was okay.

I didn't like extremely buff guys, anyway.

I had forgotten all about his problems tonight. He had acted so normal, as if he was recovered. Maybe I was doing something right.

This position we were all in reminded me of a much simpler time. If we were children, we would see nothing wrong with being pushed together on the couch. But with me almost being suffocated between the two guys, I instantly thought of something dirty. I couldn't help it.

It made it all the more harder not to attack N, but I think I managed fairly well. I kept my breath even and I tried to act normal, even if my heart was fluttering and his closeness made me feel hot. Touya didn't make me feel that way at all. There would be times where he'd sit on me as if it was perfectly okay. He'd ignore my protests and continue to suffocate me under his weight.

Touya tensed a little, and I could feel him pushing me towards N. It was as if he lived off of making me uncomfortable.

N lifted his arm and I was pushed closer to him. He laid his arm over the top of the couch, behind my head. I was blushing like crazy now, and I peeked over at Touya. He had a big smile on his face, he looked so stupid, almost intoxicated.

He put me in an extremely awkward position, and I couldn't move out of it, because Touya trapped me in. N didn't seem uncomfortable at all.

I needed to get Touya back, but I was unable to do anything while being trapped here. I tried to think of something, but I came up blank.

Well, there was one thing. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it, in fear of making myself look like an idiot as well. I'm sure it was brought on by the fact that my body was pretty much molded into N's, and that I wanted it, too.

Still, it was worth a shot. I was already shaking long before I did anything, which made me anxious. I was worried about the outcome, but I was motivated by my need to get Touya back and my want for N.

If Touya wanted sexual, I'd give him sexual.

I slowly rolled onto N, my chest pressing against his. Touya rolled in to the spot I left behind. N's eyes were wide, but he didn't do anything to stop me as I wrapped my hands around the back of his head and forced his lips open with mine.

He breathed in sharply and jerked his head back a little, but before I could feel rejected, he closed his eyes and returned my kiss. I smiled against his lips as he placed his hands on my back, pulling me closer to him.

It felt so right to be in his arms. I pressed my forehead against his briefly and he opened his eyes, making eye contact with me. We both smiled and continued to kiss each other softly.

Touya had his hands behind his head and continued to sit there, "Get some." He said approvingly.

I didn't let it bother me that it didn't make him uncomfortable. I wasn't worried about that anymore. I was with N, and it felt like we were here alone in our own little world.

N removed a hand from my back and wiped a stray lock of hair away from my face, "You're so beautiful." He whispered.

And this time, I believed him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12****  
><strong>**Day 650**

* * *

><p>I had fallen asleep on top of N for I don't know how long. All I knew was that Touya wasn't sitting beside us anymore, and that N still thought I was asleep. I kept my eyes closed as I had my face pressed into his neck, thinking.<p>

I hoped that this wouldn't be like last time, where we kissed and went back to acting normal around each other. I wouldn't let that happen again. It would be easy for N, since he wasn't the one that was taking the steps here. It was all me; I'm the one who throws herself at him. I'm the one doing all the work in this relationship… if you would call it a relationship.

This was also different from last time. Unlike last time, N kissed me back with as much vigor as I did. No Shadow Triad this time, either.

I knit my eyebrows together. I had completely forgotten about them. Now that I think about it, I probably would have just ignored them, anyway. I wouldn't have let anyone ruin that for me, not when I was doing all the work. No way.

But, I will admit that the blue-eyed member interested me. I would like to see him again, but just not during N and me time.

I stopped my train of thought. N and me time? I'm already planning out more of these? I mean, I would like them, but I don't even know how I'm going to get off of his chest without it being awkward. I was new to this whole thing; I didn't know how to act, and N was the same way.

I was quickly shifting my legs into a more comfortable position when N suddenly jerked. I froze and tried to pretend I was still asleep, but N didn't seem concerned about that. He was too busy trying to cross his legs together, and by the sound of his breathing, he was straining to keep still.

"Did she get you?" Touya's voice surprised me. I didn't even know he was in the room.

"Um…yeah." N nearly choked out, "It's okay, though." He said quickly.

I remained clueless as to why he flinched while he straightened his posture and rubbed his thighs together uncomfortably. He pushed me off and leaned over, his hands pressing against his inner thigh. His teeth were clenched and he looked like he was in pain. I cut the act and jumped up, grabbing his face.

"N, what's wrong?" I asked urgently, my heart thumping in my throat. My mind immediately threw panic out the window while I struggled to find out if he was having an episode.

"How could you?" Touya cried from the other side of the room, "Poor guy!"

I became still, "What?" I hissed, falling back on my knees.

"You kneed him in the balls, devil woman!"

Horror and shame flooded through me as his words sunk in. I stared at Touya, my eyes wide. I couldn't even bring myself to look at N, it was too embarrassing. In the first ten minutes of our blossoming relationship, I managed to hit him where it hurts. I drew my knees to my chest and hid my face in my hands, blushing.

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't mean to do it, I swear."

"I know," N breathed, patting my shoulder a bit awkwardly.

"That's nice… but N, do you think you can walk?" Touya interrupted, walking over and grabbing my arm. "Because my mom will be home soon, and it's getting late."

Touya dragged me off the couch. I didn't put up a fight; I was too ashamed to even look up. I stood, staring at the floor while Touya watched me curiously.

"Are you going to leave your pants on my floor or do you want me to get them?" He asked, taking a step towards the stairs.

I blinked, and before I could say anything, I started to giggle.

"What?" N said sharply.

I bit my lip to muffle my laughter as Touya shook his head and headed upstairs.

"You're not getting your sweats back," I called after him.

"I don't want them, anyway," He replied curtly. "I always have accidents in them."

I pushed against the inside of my cheek with my tongue, "That's cool."

Touya was already out of sight. I turned to N, grinning, offering my hand. He looked baffled, and I didn't blame him. He wouldn't be used to the conversations Touya and I have- not many people are.

"You need help?" I offered quietly, removing my grin and giving him a small smile. There was no use to be awkward around him- we both felt the same way. Even though we didn't know how to act, it'd just make things more difficult.

And besides the fact that I kneed him in the balls, I'm pretty sure it will be rather smooth sailing. I hope.

He smiled back and hesitantly took my hand, allowing me to guide him off the couch. He winced, and I was bombarded with guilt.

"Can you walk?" I mumbled, my hand still in his despite the fact it was no longer needed.

"I'm fine," he reassured me, squeezing my hand.

I'm sure he was hurting a lot more than he was letting on. I was too embarrassed to pursue the subject any further, so I let it drop.

"I'm really sorry." I said again, looking up at him.

"It's okay, really." His eyes met mine. I found myself not being able to look away as I felt my knees begin to tremble, resisting my strong urge to sink to the ground. He made me feel so powerless, and I didn't understand it. I've always been a strong person, but N made me weak and fragile. Is that what love did to a person?

He reached down and gently put his hand to my cheek, his eyes wary. I held his gaze, unwavering. I didn't flinch away- I'd like to think I was over my small fear of being slapped again.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"I don't think it is." He responded painfully.

I placed my hand on top of his, "That was a long time ago."

"Sixteen days," He breathed.

"That's all?" I blurted out. His words shocked me- it felt so much longer.

He nodded slowly.

I registered my thoughts, "Well… I don't care." I murmured.

"You should." He whispered, his eyebrows furrowed in a worried expression.

My hand curled around his, "I don't care." I repeated stubbornly.

He stared into my eyes for a few more moments, thinking. I nibbled on my bottom lip as he flipped his hand over and grabbed mine, pulling me towards him. He leaned down and nervously kissed my cheek.

"I'm glad you don't." He mumbled against my blushing cheek.

"Good." I gasped as he pulled away from me, my heart going crazy.

Something hit the back of my head.

I groaned as I managed to catch my pants before they hit the floor.

"Touya!" I shouted.

"Boom, headshot!" He laughed from the top of the stairs.

"You're such a dick," I growled, bundling up my jeans and holding them to my side.

"I'm awesome," he praised himself as he rushed down the stairs towards the door.

"Is that how you get people out of the house?" I snapped, slowly leading N towards the door. I stopped, noticing he was trying to hide his limp.

"See?" I whined, "It still hurts."

He waved me off, "Yeah, but I'm fine. You didn't hit me that hard."

"She was trying to castrate you." Touya said from the door.

I ignored him. "Still, maybe I can carry you or something…" I trailed off, realizing how ridiculous I sounded.

He smiled, "I don't think you can do that." He said, brushing his finger over my cheek.

I blushed, looking away. "I know..."

He took a few exaggerated steps forward, "See? I can walk. Stop worrying, okay?"

I nodded reluctantly, grabbing onto his arm as I refused to let him walk by himself. I led him to the door, where he decided to go on ahead and release Zekrom a little farther away from the house. I offered to go with him, but he vehemently refused.

I waited patiently for N to make his way out of earshot before extending my fist to punch Touya's shoulder.

He caught my fist in his hand, smiling. "Come on."

I stared at him for a few moments. No matter how much he annoyed me and made me uncomfortable, he was still the only brother I had. He treated N like a normal person, and he even brought us closer together. That's why instead of punching him, I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you," I said, closing my eyes.

His arms wound around me, crushing me to him. "No problem, sis."

We stayed like that for a long time. He was probably waiting for me to let go, but I just couldn't. I hadn't seen him for a while, and I missed him.

I finally let go, turning towards the door. Before I could take a step, he grabbed my hand.

"You dropped this."

He opened his fist, handing it to me. I closed my eyes, ashamed as I curled my fingers around it.

He put his hand on my shoulder, "Hey, don't be embarrassed." He murmured. "It's normal."

I didn't respond. It was normal, but it was also extremely private. There was something extremely awkward about your "brother" knowing what was going on in your pants.

Granted, I was already in his pants, but that's another matter entirely.

"Yeah…" I muttered, quickly putting it back in my pocket.

He chuckled and shoved my shoulder, "Bye, Touko."

"Bye, Touya…" I mumbled, walking quickly away. My face felt so hot, and I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the door close behind me.

But, then again, Touya still had windows.

It was odd, but I actually trusted that Touya would respect my privacy and not snoop around. He had his moments.

I ventured towards the giant, looming silhouette across the yard. I could see Zekrom's bright red eyes watching me as I took cautious steps. If I tripped on anything- we'd both be limping.

N's dragon rumbled quietly as I put my hand on his leg. I looked up at him curiously as he appraised me.

"Where's N?" I asked. I knew he couldn't answer me, but maybe he could gesture or something.

Zekrom blinked slowly and growled. Before I could get disappointed, he swung his head over his shoulder.

I peered over his monstrous leg. "He went into the woods...?" I asked, flexing my jaw.

The Pokemon rumbled again. I heard a barely audible buzzing sound and realized Zekrom's tail was glowing a light blue.

I patted his leg, "Thanks." I said, making my way towards the trees. I didn't know how far N went in, or his motives. He couldn't have gone far- not with that limp. I immediately cursed the fact that almost every house in Nuvema had to have a damn forest.

"N?" I called out, squinting my eyes into the darkness. I couldn't hear anything, and I was a bit scared. I didn't want to have to go in after him.

Zekrom made a purring sound. It was such an odd sound that I froze. I turned around to look at him.

My heart almost burst in fear when I came face to face with a pair of bright, familiar eyes.

I gasped and fell back. Before I could hit the ground, however, I was caught and pushed back on my feet quickly.

He manifested in front of me again, his eyes cheerful and glittering against the faint light of Zekrom's tail. Laughing at me, maybe?

I clutched my stomach and bent over slightly, catching my breath. He had scared me to the point where I felt physically sick to my stomach. I was afraid that I would vomit right there in front of him, but luckily, I managed to keep my composure.

"What are you doing here?" I wheezed, looking up at me.

He stared at me.

"You don't talk much, do you?" I asked curiously, slowly standing up straight again.

His eyes flicked down to my feet, then back to my face. He shrugged.

"Are you following N, or...?" I trailed off. I honestly didn't expect an answer, but it didn't hurt to ask.

He extended his finger. Pointing at me.

"Me?" I whispered.

Little wrinkled formed around his eyes as the fabric over his mouth raised. He was smiling at me again.

"Why?" I didn't know whether to feel violated or special.

He cocked his head to the side, his eyes facing the ground. After a few moments, he raised his arms and formed a heart with his hands.

I stared at him in shock, a blush creeping to my cheeks.

His eyes became wide as he shook his head. He crossed his arms before making an "N" again. He looked me in the eye, as if waiting for a response. I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. Quickly, he pointed at me again before making another heart.

I bit my lip as he continued to stare at me, his eyes pleading for me to understand. I understood perfectly; I was just too embarrassed to acknowledge it.

Me plus N equals a heart.

I managed to give him a little smile and a nod, not sure what to say. He dropped his hands with a relieved sigh. That was the first sound I ever heard from him. I wondered what his voice sounded like, and if he ever talked at all. He must talk. The other Shadow Triad members did.

Wait, no. One of them did. It was always the taller one- the one who always stood in the front. He seemed to be the leader. The second one was tall, too. But this one was my height. He reminded me of a child- which I think was the reason I was so fond of him.

He looked down and began drawing circles in the grass with his foot. He had his head bent and resting on his shoulder, as if he was waiting for me to say something.

"Can you tell me why you're here?" I asked softly, taking a step forward. I reached to put my hand on his shoulder when his head shot up in shock. In a split second, his shape flickered and disappeared. Terrified, I pulled my hand back.

Before I could catch my breath, he was back with an apologetic expression in his eyes.

"It's okay," I breathed. "But, you're starting to make me nervous. Why are you here?"

He grabbed my hand roughly. Freaked and driven by instinct, I tried to break from his grasp. Adrenaline pulsed through me and in a heartbeat, I was gone.

I heard what sounded like a plane taking off- it was loud and shook my whole body. Panicked, I opened my mouth to scream when I hit the ground. Face first.

I dug my fingers into the ground and I noticed I wasn't in Touya's lawn anymore.

Shaking, I pushed myself up and looked around. Wherever I was, it had to be in the forest and too far away from Zekrom as to where I couldn't see his light. It was completely dark. He must have teleported me somewhere.

I jumped when I felt hands grab me from under my arms, pulling me up. I didn't move. I couldn't see anything, and I figured that he would show me the way to wherever he wanted to take me. I heard a slight scratching noise.

He held the match in front of my face and in one quick stroke, pulled down the mask over his mouth. I watched, surprised, as his lips began to part.

"Don't!" A voice shouted. He closed his mouth immediately, but it was already too late. I had seen it.

No wonder he didn't talk. His tongue was cut out.

The match went out.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13****  
><strong>**Day 650**

* * *

><p>I screamed.<p>

Even though the fire went out, the image stuck in my mind. I tried to remain still as the chills racked my body back and forth, throwing me even deeper into panic.

I couldn't get it out of my mind. I kept seeing him opening his mouth, his eyes wide in fear as if he was in danger. He titled his head down a little, and that's when I saw it. What was left of his tongue… it was hacked off. Whoever did it tried to cut out most of it as possible- and it was obvious by the sick, mangled mess that it wasn't by someone who cared about his well-being.

It was just endlessly looping.

I began to cry hysterically. I felt so horrible for him. He couldn't even talk; he was stuck with making hand signals. And even then it was difficult. I would've thrown my arms around him if the sight wasn't so terrifying.

I couldn't keep standing anymore. I kneeled down on the ground and bent over, shoving my face into my hands. I didn't even know where I was. I just wanted to go home.

There was that scratching noise again. I didn't want to look up- the thought of becoming face to face with him again sent me into a bigger panic. I tried to curl up in a ball but my violent sobs had my upper body jerking back, so I succumbed to just keeping my eyes tightly shut and crying pathetically.

"Touko," His voice whispered.

"N!" I jumped up and reached out for him. My fingers stretched out as I blindly grasped at the darkness. Once they brushed against fabric, I let out a sigh and relaxed as he put his hand on my shoulder and guided me towards him.

He was on his knees. I fell into him and tried my best to hold in the sobs so I wouldn't mess up his collar. I felt his neck tighten against my face, but for once, I wasn't all that concerned for his well-being. I was freaking out, there was no way I was about to compose myself quickly and apologize for making him uncomfortable.

"He's gone," He cooed, mechanically petting the top of my head. "So… don't cry. Please don't cry."

I would have giggled if I wasn't so terrified. He sounded so distressed and panicked at the fact that I was crying. I wasn't too sure why, though. This wasn't the first time I've cried in front of him.

"It's not like you haven't seen me cry before." I mumbled into his neck.

He took in a breath. "The other times you were feeling bad about yourself." Hugging me a bit tighter, he added, "That was easy."

I scoffed. "And this isn't?"

"There's nothing I can say to make you feel better." He murmured. "Sorry."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't think of anything to say.

I don't know why, but I didn't make any attempt at getting up even after about five minutes had passed. Maybe it was because I was still scared, despite the fact that I had stopped whimpering a few minutes earlier. Or perhaps it was because I was taking advantage of N holding me. Either way, I was enjoying just being with him.

"Why did he have to show me that?" I whispered. The question had been haunting me ever since I got over the initial shock.

N began to bite his thumbnail. "He's… playful."

"That's playful?" I asked incredulously.

"Three's young." He murmured, shrugging.

"_Three?_" I blurted out. "His name is _Three?_"

"Would you prefer _Tres?_" He muttered dryly.

I jerked my head up to stare at him. His irritated tone caught me off guard. My temper flared and out of habit, I snapped back quickly.

"This isn't a Spanish lesson, jackass." I hissed, pulling away from him and jumping to my feet to glare down at him. "It's a weird name."

I could barely see him, so my pissed off look was in vain. Stubbornness, however, had me holding it even though we could barely see each other's faces. He exhaled sharply and turned his head to the side, his jaw hard set.

A couple seconds later, though, he turned back to face me. "I'm sorry." He said, "I didn't mean to say it like that." He sounded genuinely apologetic.

Unfortunately, I felt like being a bitch tonight. I pointedly turned my head.

"Come on." He pouted and started to stand up to come towards me.

"I'm not calling him Three." I said stubbornly, changing the subject a bit. "That's just rude."

N stopped walking. "You're going to call him something else." He said in a mixture of exasperation and disbelief.

His tone bugged me a bit. But I didn't really stay on that too much- his words got me thinking.

"Yeah," I said happily, my voice raising an octave. I scanned my head for names- something that would fit his face. Or personality, since I didn't really know his face all too well.

"Blue?" I suggested hesitantly.

"A color is okay, but not a number?" N laughed quietly. He took a few more steps, obviously taking advantage of my distraction to get closer. If I was a real bitch I would have stopped him in his tracks, but I let him approach me. I wasn't concerned about that anymore.

I groaned. "You're right."

"Uh…. William?" N murmured.

My eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't familiar with that name. "What kind of name is that?"

He was in front of me now. I leaned my head back a bit to look up at him. He looked a bit nervous.

"The Shadow Triad is English…" He trailed off, looking at the ground.

"Holy crap." I threw my hand to my mouth. "Really?"

He nodded twice.

I felt a bit… stupid. I always thought they looked a bit different, and now that I think about it, I realize that it was the shape of their eyes that weren't the same. They never spoke, either. Was it because they could only speak English?

Or did they all have their tongues cut out?

"Do they all…" I couldn't say it. "Tongue?" I opened my mouth and gestured to it.

"No, no." He murmured, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "That's just… Three."

"If they're English then why are they in Unova?"

"Ghetsis hired them a long time ago." He said simply, his tone a bit reserved.

I narrowed my eyes. The way they follow N around, they must have been his guards or something similar. When I was figuring out the whole Team Plasma mess, they were extremely protective and were always one step ahead of me. Ghetsis used them to take care of N and his problems when he couldn't, or didn't want to.

"Twenty-two years ago?" I said offhandedly, looking up at him with an extremely exaggerated innocent look.

He avoided looking at me.

"They were your kee- babysitters, weren't they?" I silently cursed myself. I had almost said "keepers". It may have been true, but that would have been a bit harsh to say it.

"They still are." He muttered disgustedly, "They won't stop following me."

"But… aren't you their King?" I asked timidly- I wasn't sure how he would take to me calling him that. The corner of his mouth twitched, but nothing more. "Can't you order them to stop?"

He curled his lip. "The contract owner is Ghetsis. It's him they serve, not me."

If The Shadow Triad was following N around against his will, was it because Ghetsis had ordered them to? I stopped myself.

Ghetsis is in prison. Did he order them to continue following him around before he was arrested? Or, what if The Shadow Triad still was in contact with him? Because let's face it- steel bars aren't keeping the Shadow Triad from anything, especially the one they owe their allegiance to.

And going by that assumption- what's the motivation? Ghetsis wasn't planning anything, was he? He disowned N, called him every name in the book. I didn't think he'd want any more to do with him.

Spite, maybe?

I shook my head. I shouldn't be thinking too much into it. For all I know, the poor Shadow Triad could probably just be a bit maternal towards him. They looked after him his whole life… it was only natural.

That is, if they had feelings.

_You heartless bitch. _I immediately scolded myself. Of course they had feelings. Hadn't I seen the raw sorrow and terror in Three's eyes? Even before tonight, there was always a kind sparkle in the way he looked at me. He was nice. He had feelings. I was the one who didn't have any feelings.

Which leads me to think about why this was done to him. What could Three have possibly done so wrong that would result in that?

"Why doesn't he have a tongue?" I whispered slowly. I didn't move my eyes, instead keeping them fixed on his beige pants. They were illuminated against the dark and were pretty much the brightest thing here, so I focused on that.

"Can we not talk about this?" He said, nervously fidgeting.

"No. Just humor me this one question." I nearly snapped.

I shook off the small feeling of guilt at my brief rudeness. He was hiding so much from me. I would understand if it wasn't affecting anything, but it was really starting to get out of hand.

He remained silent.

"Just this one question," I urged in a more gentle voice. I put my hand on his shoulder. "I won't ask anymore."

He didn't react for about twenty seconds. I could feel my disappointment rising, but before I could sigh and forget about it, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me tenderly to the ground. He sat with his legs crisscrossed, and for some reason, I decided to follow the same order. He laid my hands on his knees and began to play with them, swinging them up and down. He wasn't looking at me, only at my hands.

"Promise you won't get mad?" He said, his eyes flickering up at me. I blinked. It was that same look I had taught him when we were trying to get him to stay at my house.

Huh. He did it better than me.

It was just so childlike. Being slightly influenced by how vaguely infantile his actions were, I said something I hadn't said since I was six and playing in Touya's backyard.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." I whispered softly, bracing myself against the wave of nostalgia that threatened my already crumbling composure.

I took a breath. _Focus._

"It was…" His voice broke. "It was me. I ordered it to happen, four years ago."

His words didn't even register at first. I just stared at him blankly, watching as his face went from nervous to panic as my silence began to alarm him.

"You promised you wouldn't be upset." He accused quickly.

My eyes averted to his chest. "I'm not." I managed to breathe.

That's when the floodgates opened.

Kind, sweet, awkward, loving N… the mutilation was under _his_ order? What kind of sadistic monster was I harboring in my house?

"What did Three do that was so bad?" I said in a panic, my voice becoming louder.

"He had a baby Growlithe." He mumbled, flinching slightly.

Poor Three's tongue was viciously cut out because he had a pet? N said he was young- exactly how young? N had a child _maimed_?

"Are you kidding me?" I spat. "He had a pet, so what?"

"My goal was liberation." He said, shaky but sternly. "I wasn't about to let a direct subordinate have a Pokémon, especially one that was foreign."

"But to cut out his tongue, N?" I cried. I could feel the tears beginning to well up. "You could have given him a slap on the wrist, something that wouldn't have-"

"Do not argue with me, I am your _King!_" He snarled viciously, cutting me off completely.

I shut up almost instantly. The pure, hate-filled authority in his voice shook me to the core and I felt something from N that I hadn't felt since the night he came back.

Fear.

I was terrified of him. My whole body was shaking as the chills crept up my sides and up my spine. His hands that still encircled my wrists suddenly became handcuffs and there was no escape. This wasn't N, this was what he used to be. And somehow I had brought it out of him.

I let out a small whimper and forced myself not to blink. I wasn't going to let him see me cry.

_Damn._ I felt them starting to flood over, and before I knew it, I was crying uncontrollably. I hung my head down and let my hair fall over my face, seeing as I didn't have any control of my hands.

He breathed in sharply and let go, allowing me to hunch over and cry into my hands. There was no getting better, was there? Every time he seemed to be getting somewhere, it went right back to square one.

If I had known it would be this hard, would I still have taken him?

_Of course you would._ My subconscious snapped at me. _You love him._

"I'm so sorry," He breathed, his voice tight and choked. "Touko, I didn't mean to…"

I felt his hand on my elbow. I jumped back and gave him a look of sheer terror as I began to scoot away from him. All I could think of was his hand against my cheek, and I was already beginning to feel the sting against my skin. I cupped my cheek and the second I did it, N stopped dead.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, please." He begged.

I cringed- I could hear the agony perfectly in his voice.

"I'll never hurt you." He said, inching closer. "Please believe me."

Before I could even react, he shot forward and grabbed me. I felt my heart nearly burst in my chest. I tried to struggle but he was too strong- he had me on my back in a matter of seconds. He sat on top of me with a leg swung over on each side, effectively pinning me down.

I don't think he knew how provocative this position was.

He leaned over and awkwardly planted little butterfly kisses along my jaw. "I won't hurt you, please."

Maybe he did know, and was just trying to win me over.

"Fat ass," I growled as I tried yet again to get him off of me. I ignored his affection even though it killed me inside.

His eyebrows furrowed at my choice of words, but other than a confused look, he didn't acknowledge my insult.

"Please, just listen to me." He said, looking up towards the sky. "At the time, I thought it was the right choice."

"It was a stupid one." I muttered.

He pressed his lips together. "It was. You don't know how much I regret it. I ruined someone's life." He whispered and started dragging his fingers down his face. "And I hope I burn for it."

"No, you don't." I said, earning a surprised look from him. "You wouldn't have told me if you didn't think you had a chance at redemption."

"What are you saying?" He asked slowly, eyeing me suspiciously.

"You think I can help."

"There's no way you can help me. Three will never be able to speak again, and I can't take back what I've done." He murmured sadly. His eyes were misty, but he wasn't crying. Not yet, anyway.

"Maybe you can make it up to him?" I suggested.

"You're being oddly optimistic about this." He said dryly.

I pushed the top half of my body up and supported myself with my arms. "I'm just saying… maybe there can be a little bit of happiness at the end of this fucked up story."

"I don't see that happening." He replied, scooting down my stomach a little bit and onto my groin. I bit my lip and kept my mouth shut. He obviously didn't know how inappropriate this was, and I wasn't about to tell him.

"What did you do with the Growlithe?" I asked.

He pursed his lips as if trying to remember. "We… we sent it to a reserve in Sinnoh. Why?"

A huge smile broke through my face. Perfect.

"N, we have to go get him."

His face became hard. "No. Do you not see what he's doing, Touko? He's out to get me." He stopped and blinked. "And he has every right to. But I'm not going to be doing anything for him."

"He's out to get you?" I echoed.

He stared at me. "Why do you think he's so interested in you? That he's so nice to you? He's trying to get you to trust him. That's why he showed you his mouth- he's pulling you away from me; getting you to run. He wants me to be miserable, and the fact that he even _dared_ to touch you and actually teleport you to me tonight is his way of showing me that if you don't run, he'll take you himself."

My jaw dropped. "No" was the first thing that came to mind, and I ended up blurting it out.

He nodded. "Yes."

I… I thought he had actually liked me. Now that I think of it, he had told me earlier that the reason he was interested in me was because N and I were close. He had even signed a heart. I had just misinterpreted what he was trying to tell me. Hell, he probably thought I was an idiot now.

Well, damn.

I shut my eyes tightly. Okay, so it wasn't what I had originally thought. Still, Three was justified in a way. He had a right to feel bitter. Even though he was using me as a pawn and was a possible kidnapper, I felt for him.

"I don't care." I said slowly. "I want him to get his Growlithe back. He deserves it, and maybe he'll leave you alone."

"Touko, we can't." He sighed, exasperated. "I don't want to-"

I grabbed his collar and yanked him down, cutting him off in mid-sentence. I really didn't care what he had to say. I kissed him passionately, and after a few seconds of being stunned, he kissed me back quickly. I lowered my torso back onto the ground to where he was lying on top of me. As much as I would have loved to go further, I didn't exactly want to be kissing like this in the dirt.

I stopped. "You were saying?" I murmured, my lips barely brushing against his as I spoke.

His eyes were half closed as he stared at me dreamily. "Okay," he breathed.


End file.
